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my 3 year old boy beats his sister

Knowing that there isn't any kind of abuse at home, his sister is 18 months and he hits her whenever he finds a chance to do that. i treat them the same and I always talk to him and tell him he should love his sister and I consult him and yell at him when he beats her. He drives me crazy. But I know he loves her because he misses her and ask about her when he comes from school and she is sleeping and likes to share every thing with her. But Iam always nervous at home because he makes her cry all the time. He wants to control her and she has to do what he asks her to do and play with him when she doesn't want to.Any advise? thank you

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:45 AM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (7)
  • Put him in time out everytime he does it. He needs to learn that it is not ok, she can't defend herself so you need to. You need to not act nice and happy after he does it he needs to know it is serious and after don't allow him near her, he will get the point eventually.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:00 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Do not leave them alone.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:06 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Wow. What a way to set her up for a life of abuse from males. Why do you allow this?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Yelling at him isn't going to fix that. Telling him to love her won't help either. Sibling rivalry can be deadly. Yes he misses her bc he can't beat anyone up at school. Don't let her out of your sight when he's home. My oldest dd hated my youngest dd. She kept trying to hurt her but I was always watching and stopped it. You must do the same thing.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:14 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • wow ad too much. Listen in a way its kinda normal but not okay. Immed. time out for hitting, don't yell about it but talk about it... why did you hit her? What could you have done differently? How do you think she feels?
    Bring to his attention the fact that hitting hurts (yes obvious but not nec. so) ALSO and most important TEACH HIM ANOTHER WAY to handle whatever is frustrating him (including the fact that his sister has a right to her own opnion -- at 18 months she's starting the ter. 2's and as frustrating as it is for you its even more so for a 3 year old with no aten. span and less abiltiy to reason and communicate -- KWIM)
    And try to make sure you are always there to watch. Also don't ASS-u-ME it always him -- my dd beat the CRAP out of her brother and she was the younger one too. (the are also 11/2yrs apart) -- it gets better.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 11:38 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Keep an eye on them when they are playing together. My DD thinks she can push her little brother around. We keep warning her that when he gets older she is gonna get a good ole fashioned ass whopping from him. If your son isn't careful and keeps it up he is gonna get himself kicked in the nuts when your daughter figures out that she can fight back.

    Answer by anklebitr at 11:53 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Sibling rivalry is always a worry when you have a second child and so forth. However, you have to monitor EVERYTHING you do when they are young to be sure that you're not making it worse. Don't say, "Son, I can't do this because you're sister needs me to do that." It is really hard but even the small things like that can insight jealousy. Don't tell him that HE has to love on HER but that WE (family) have to love on and be nice to each other. Don't immediately drop him and everything for him if she is whining but not do the opposite for him. He may be 3 but he is still too young to understand. I'm dealing with a 3yo and accepting a new sibling, too, though my second is younger than yours. It has been rough but I've been able to get him from the violent stage (MANY older siblings go through this) to a loving stage that I'm hoping I won't screw up.

    Answer by Pishyah at 9:04 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

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