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can any one tell me how you can live with your mother in law and tell her to stop trying to be your kids mom

after 2o years, of it living with her and my husband doesnt want to move cause that well mean she well be by her self. she is 74 and is still working as a nurse. i am about to blow up. she has to have the last word in. about every thing. and its hard to be a wife cause she has to do every ting for her son.i told them both he doesnt need a wife or a girlfriend that he has his mom. and that since she is trying to be my kids mom. fine and i left he beged me to come back at the end of the day. and i did it drives him crazy to she is that type of person and am sick of it i even told hm that i am temped to move out he had his break for a year and half now its my turn. he left cause of her.hes back now and i want to leave and not look back. am 39, i still have things that i want to do . maybe i am being selfish but i cant handle it any more. and she has to get involved in our marriage when things are not going right. and being nosy

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:13 AM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I have a mother that is pretty much like your MIL. I finally broke my ties with her. It got to the point that I delt with the emotional abuse and stood up for myself. It is hard to do, but you HAVE to do it for yourself. Your husband is not a child and has a family of his own. My own husband got to the point he literally hated my mother because she is a control freak. We would tell our son he could not do something and she would go behind our backs and let him do what I told him he could not do. She bad mouths us in front of my son. It got to the point my son and I went to a therapist. She told me to limit my sons time with my mother, that she was doing more harm to him then good. It has been 3 months and I do not regret breaking loose of her ties.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:21 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Wait! You and your husband have been living with your MIL for TWENTY years?! And you're just NOW getting tired of her? I can understand why your hubby doesn't want to move--he never grew up, having mommy there all the time! What you have is a co-dependent, mother's boy on your hands,and I think now that your kids are grown (or mostly grown) you're itching to have your fun! Well, that's gonna be a hard concept for your MIL who is obviously quite attached to you and your family.

    You need to have a mature, sit down discussion, and cease with all the coming and going for a day or two, say how you feel, what you want to be doing, and come up with some sort of compromise. However, my feelingis now that you don't need your MIL anymore, like you used to, you want to kick her to the curb! That's pretty harsh, don;t you think?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Well give him an ultimatum. We as a family move out. Or you and the kids are moving out. (leaving him and his mom to live together).


    Answer by louise2 at 8:00 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Wow, even moving next door or down the street would take care of that. Families need privacy. If she is working and responsible for taking care of others I don't see why she should need to be taken care of by him. Twenty years? That's just crazy. I'd be pissed if my adult children were still living with me! I like living alone. Has anyone ever asked her if she wants people there? Maybe she thinks y'all don't want to leave the nest. I'd tell him it's time to wean off mom. Go buy a house and tell him to come join you or kiss your...ok that's a bit much but you get the picture.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:39 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

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