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Would this hurt you?

I am not very close to my boyfriends brother......okay he hates me. I've never done anything intentional to cause it. I had three surgeries last year and I did not feel well at all (I had an illiostomy bag coming from my stomach). It was a good opportunity for my bro-in-law and his wife to tell me how crappy I was as a girlfriend and mother to my ds and since I was sick, I took it all and went as far as to believe I was a crappy person. Now that I am recovered and doing well, I think that it was just an unhealthy time for me, but I still want peace with them for my boyfriends sake. My boyfriend had to do a lot for me last year and for my ds who's not his. I apologize constantly for not working last year and for using him and he tells me he did it gladly. His brother has lied to him and said I was cheating on him. He never believed them and never gave in their games.

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TinkTink205

Asked by TinkTink205 at 8:42 AM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • My boyfriend is upset now because they were in town and visited his aunt and nobody called us to go over there. I told him I am sorry and suggested that he and I break up so he can work things out with his family. He got mad at me and said that I don't even love him. I do but I never want to stand between him and his family. What would you do? He says I shouldn't care so much but I do. They want to get rid of me and they just might win. It's so hard....Thank you for letting me vent.
    TinkTink205

    Answer by TinkTink205 at 8:51 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Yes It would hurt
    Shyma

    Answer by Shyma at 8:51 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • No, bc his family has rude idiots and he's right, you shouldn't let these people influence you and bully you into wanting to leave just to please them. Stand up use that backbone. Let him work out things with his family. He chooses to be with you and you disrespected his decision. I'm sure he was hurt over your seemingly generous offer. Show him that he means a lot to you, not that you would be willing to dump him to make others happy. That's just silly
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:56 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Well, your BF might just be better without his family. They might be toxic people anyway. If they REALLY loved your BF then they would make an effort to at least put up with you for his sake. Heck, my brother has dated serious stupid bitches, & because i love my brother, i have put up with them. That is what family does. If they chose not to see your BF because they do not want to see you, then they are super selfish people. Maybe they don't like the fact that your BF is happier with you than he is with his family. Just because they are family does not mean they HAVE to have a close relationship. If they are toxic, crazy, selfish people then your BF might be better off without them.


      What is their reason not to like you? Because you were sick & did not work for a year?

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:57 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Thank you for your answers. I've been able to express to them that I was hurt by them. I was sick last year and I know I didn't do my part, but I have been trying to believe that I did what I had to. I was on PA last year and that may be a reason why they don't like me either. My ds loves me. I overheard my bro-in-law tell my ds last year that Lindsay (my sis-in-law) was his real mother because she was taking care of him while i was sick. He told my ds that if I cared I would get out of bed and stop being lazy and take care of him. My ds said "No, my mommy is Gina." I felt a little consolation knowing that ds understands.
    TinkTink205

    Answer by TinkTink205 at 9:02 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • They don't like me because I didn't work last year and they acted like they were happy to help me at first. I would ask them to babysit sometime while I was in the hospital and my bf was at work. I did get up and take care of ds but I couldn't lift him. I needed somebody there all the time and I guess I used everybody. I didn't have a lot of money and ds doctor is an hour away because we lived in wv in the mountains. I asked my bf's mother for gas money sometimes and I would ask her to buy diapers for me and she always did. They accuse me of using her and stealing her money. I asked my bf's mom if she felt as if I was using her and she said "You asked for diapers and gas money, you asked for Jay's things, I never have a problem hewlping your son." So, she is under the impression that I asked for what was needed.
    TinkTink205

    Answer by TinkTink205 at 9:10 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • You need to make a decision as to whether or not you are willing to live with this kind of behavior from your boyfriend's family. You have to recognize that you nor he has any power to change them or even to make them want to change. You need to think really long-term, as in the rest of your life. You have to understand that even if you did everything right from this point forward, they still will not like nor accept you. Whatever their real reasons are, it probably doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you didn't work for a year. That is just the excuse they are willing to give. I married into such a family and I cannot tell you that you will not be able to change them into people who like you. So, the only choice you have is whether to stay or to leave the man you love and his rejecting family. It's a tough decision, but it's the only choice you have. If you choose to stay, you can never complain about them
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:41 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • It would hurt a little that your bf's bro is being nasty, but it wouldn't hurt to tell him something that was on my mind. You have undergone some serious medical surgery and the last thing you want to hear is someone hating on you. As long as it's not affecting your relationship with your bf, that's the important part. He's not feeding into his crap, so it's good that he does have his own influence.
    flyestmommy

    Answer by flyestmommy at 11:15 AM on Dec. 28, 2009

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