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Ohh Dear God! What do I do!!!??!!

Im still in SHOCK!!! My brother who is a year younger then me (23) is apparently gay or bi sexual. First off Im perfectly fine with that if he is... well apparently he is. But its his approach about it that has me freaked out! He came over to my house this morning unexpected. He ate lunch and we chit chatted about him and his wife who is going thru a divorce because he cheated on her several times with other woman or now Im thinking possibly men too. While him and I were talking he was on the internet looking at what I just found out by looking through the history was Men for Men on the personals through craigslist. All the adds he was looking at were men just looking for random sex with any random man. This is whats concerning to me. I personally think that with him approaching it that way is possibly putting him at risk of diseases or whatever else because there alot of crazy people out there. Cont...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Okay first of all calm down, it is VERY common for men who are conflicted about coming out to search the internet, it doesn't mean he did anything, and hopefully if so, he is using protection. Could you open up a conversation with him? He probably feels like everyone would shun him if they knew!! Just take a deep breath, and call him and ask him to come and chat,,,Please start the conversation that you love him and could care less Who he chooses to love! Good luck,,,,and more than likely he is using protection!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:28 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • He'll be fine. Just tell him to use a condom with both males and females
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:52 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • And you don't think that he doesn't do this with women? If he's cheated on his wife several times with other women, the risk is there too and he's likely been utilizing "dirty" methods to do it. Tell him to get his head out of his ass.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • If he were to say "Im gay and dating men" I would say "Whatever makes you happy I will love you no matter what!!!" But to go looking on craigslist and hooking up with random men that you know nothing about!!!! He has type one diabetes as it is and doesnt take care of it and the last thing he needs is a diases he cant get ride of! Im just in shock is all. Hes the cowboy, redneck, country boy type that talks bad about men that act gay or who are gay. Like I said I have nothing against those who choose to live that life style. I at one point lusted after other woman.... its just that... I didnt see this coming. I want to talk to him about it but I also just want to lkeave well enough alone. But I want him to see and understand his approach of looking for men and hooking up with them is very very RISKY and not smart!!! What would you do??? Thanks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • So basically, he didn't tell you, right? You just saw the browsing history? I guess the first thing to do would be to ask him about it, just say you noticed the website he visited... Other than that though, I hate to say it, but he sounds like a dog. He cheated on his wife several times, so obviously he's not the monogamous type to begin with. Whether he's having sex with men or women doesn't even make all that much of a difference. He can get an STD from a woman just as easily as he can from a man. I'd tell him that no matter what he does, and whomever he does it with, to be smart and use protection. That's really all you can do.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 2:59 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • It's been a while since I worked at the blood bank but back then the statistics were 1 in 7 men who have sex with men have HIV. I would be really scared for my brother or loved one if they were choosing to do that also. Condoms are never 100% effective and they tend to break more often when theres not enough lubrication.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • "He'll be fine. Just tell him to use a condom with both males and females"

    Your ignorance is ASTOUNDING. He'll be fine? You can't be serious. I hope you don't have a sex talk with your kids - let someone else do it.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I think you have great reason to be concerned. There is no way to know that "he'll be fine" and unfortunately something could have already happened. Maybe you could tell him about your concerns and ask him to get tested and to continue to do so that he'll know and you'll be able to not worry quite as much. Just a thought.
    firenicecream

    Answer by firenicecream at 3:48 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • To me it's no different than if he were over looking through women's ads on craigslist. Just tell him to use protection, don't nag. He's old enough to make decision. And tell him to honor his wife in the divorce and kids with any or you'll work with wife to get kids away from him. just a la Adam Lambert a bit but with an ex who's a woman right now. Just let him know you're most concerned with safe sex and a wife who doesn't have a transmitted disease is is finanically taken care of, and of course kids taken care if any.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 4:33 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • admckenzie, you give some of the most ridiculous answers on here - especially since you're on here 23 hours of the day. Sad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

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