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Not getting married...

My boyfriend and I are are very happy with our relationship,we live with each other and I'm helping him raise his kids and he's helping me raise my daughter.We have both been married before and I'm not in any hurry to get married again,and quite frankly I don't honestly care if I ever get re-married again.My boyfriend asked me to marry him about a month ago and I said yes/no.I told him I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I don't think we have to be married in order to do that and amazingly he wasn't upset he was just happy knowing that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.I mean I don't see any point in trying to fix what isnt broken.I'd love to get some input on this

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • I absolutely agree with you. I really don't see how a piece of paper would make a person any more committed. I was married before, and it was a nightmare. Now, I live happily "in sin" with my SO and our boy, and I couldn't care less if we ever get married or not. I told him the only way I would even consider it is if we can do it in Vegas, and the minister is a midget Elvis, heh. To me a wedding is nothing but a waste of money.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 2:56 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I agree. Marriage tends to ruin some relationships. They did for me. I will stay with SO forever if he wants but I won't marry him and ruin what we have
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:01 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I see no problem with that! My boyfriend and I are the same way! I got pregnant after 3 months of knowing him, and we didnt feel we should get married just because we have a baby together. we are 2 years going strong and are happy the way things are.
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 3:02 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • It is your life. As long as you both know that living together and being married is legally two different thing. Like buying a house. Just living together, you would both have to be on the lone for it to be both of your house. Lets say he buys a house in his name and the 3 years later he dies. You do not get the house, because you are not his wife. You do not get to raise his kids either, unless you adopt them. All his personal property you do not get to keep either. His family can take all that stuff. Because you two are not married.  Unless he wills all the stuff to you. But most people do not have wills.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • louise2 is right - unless you have a trust or a will, if one of you passes away it will be an inheritance nightmare. Marriage also protects your spouse in death.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 3:17 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • The only problem I see is you must have some legal document in what would happen to each of your kids if one of you were to pass---this would be true even if you were married, but please make sure that you have something,,,,if you love each other, big deal, nobody's business what you do!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:20 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I agree totally...SO and I have been together for 3 years, and have a 9 month old son together. We don't have plans to get married anytime soon. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, thats all that matters. I don't see why a piece of paper matters as long as you love someone.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 3:35 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Marriage is different from just living together. Marriage is a covenant relationship, not just an agreement or even a contract. There is a difference between being a wife and in being a mistress or a concubine just as there is a difference between being a husband and a lover. Marriage is the foundational building block of a society, and every society that has ever thrown out marriage has fallen. Marriage is the most special of all relationships and cohabitation is not its equal. No amount of arguing will ever convince you of that fact, and it is not my intent to even try to persuade you. It is my purpose to uphold the sanctity of the institution of marriage and to declare to you that it is not the same as living together without benefit of marriage, which is really about two people who are so totally committed to each other that they really do become one in every sense of the word. Marriage is just the beginning point.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:03 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I completely agree with nanny B. OP, do you want to just be his girlfriend for the rest of your life?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I think being married is a sign not only to each other, but to the rest of the world, that you want to be totally committed to each other. It's easier to define your relationship to your children, and society if you are married. You also have the legal benefits of being married. I just don't see the reasons not to. If something as simple as getting married can ruin your relationship, is it really that strong to begin with?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:21 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

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