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Ignorant MIL

For the 2nd year in a row, my MIL has refused to see my daughter because I won't bring her into her home. She smokes cigarettes and marijuana inside, there is not proper ventilation, and she won't consider not smoking inside for a couple of days to air the place out before our visit. I don't care if she sees our daughter or not, but she told my husband i was only doing this because i hate her, and that we are being prejudiced against well as saying it will help my daugther's immune system if she were exposed to the smoke. My daughter is prone to upper respiratory infections, and has had pneumonia and bronchitis already. I feel that this isn't about her even wanting to spend time with her granddaughter. it seems like she is trying to make my son choose her over his wife and child...any other opinions greatly appreciated, whether you agree with me or not!


Asked by Anonymous at 9:24 PM on Dec. 28, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • You're definitely doing the right thing. If her granddaughter was as important to her as those cigarettes & pot she'd be willing to make a few sacrifices. She sounds like someone I wouldn't want around my child, so keep doing what you're doing and remember that it's MIL's problem, not yours.

    Answer by zorrokat at 1:37 AM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • i understand,just tell hubby its not about u or him or her,its about the baby.her lungs are still growing.just ask her not to smoke while u are there and only stay for an hour or half an hour.ive asked my family up north they smoke both,not to smoke around her and if they did let me know so i can take her out.becouse of course i couldnt ask them not to smoke in there own home.have hubby ask her not to smoke and u will bring baby over.

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:31 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Stick to your guns mama you are 100% in the right!! She has made her choice!!!

    Answer by Korysmom96 at 9:40 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Why not have MIL visit at your house and put an ashtray outside for her? I am a smoker as well as most of my family, however my sister and I do not smoke inside our houses and the family members who do smoke in their own houses have no problem smoking outside while at one of our homes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Holy shit I wonder if your MIL has a garage full of flying monkeys. Someone needs to drop a house on her.

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 9:48 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • Don't give in. Smoking does not help anyone's immune system, and that is just STUPID for her to say. I'd mail her info on the effects of smoking on young children and the complications it can cause. Okay, so that might be rude, but I would tell your husband at least that he is a father now, and his baby comes first. There is no choice between mom and baby. Baby comes first. Tell him to explain to his mother that he will not expose his child who has had breathing problems to something that will most definitely make it worse, and that if she wishes to see her grandchild, she is welcome to visit as long as she smokes her cigs outside.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • didn't know that exposing your child to carcinogens is good for the immune system.  Sorry but your DH seems just as ignorant.  Just have him come to the doctor with you and ask the doc in front of him.


    Answer by Farrahann at 9:56 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • well i dont think its right for you to tell her what to do (airing out the house 2-3 days before your visit) it is her house and she can do as she pleases...but she could not smoke while you are visiting..thats all i would ask of her.

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:58 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • I do agree with you and if he's stupid enough to choose his mom over his dd's health then let him go

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:11 PM on Dec. 28, 2009

  • You are doing the right thing. We don't allow our kids to be around smoke either. When our first was about 2 we got invited to somebody's house for Thanksgiving. We told him that he didn't want our son around smoke and our friend made EVERYBODY smoke outside and we were the only non smokers there. Stick to your guns and remind hubby of why you BOTH feel that way about your DD and the smoke. (=

    Answer by Krysden at 10:34 PM on Dec. 28, 2009