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What the hell.... open relationship (gone wrong?) question. Kinda long.

My husband and I both agreed to be in an open relationship. It was my idea, he thought it'd be great. Anyway, I was the only one acting on it.. he got jealous, and called me a cheater. He threatened to kick me out, etc etc, drama. We're trying to make things 'work out'.. everytime I bring it up to him that he agreed to live this lifestyle, he gets infuriated. Now I hardly ever go out, he sets a curfew for me, or just makes me feel bad all together for wanting to go out.. even though I'm NOT going to go see the other guy again, I told him I wouldn't, and I don't plan on it. I feel like a kid now.. I don't think I did anything wrong if he knew all along and we agreed on it. Now he wants to have sex all the time like that'll keep me around, the sex is lousy, sloppy, and fast.. I'm getting so irritated.
I can't talk to him without this turning into a huge fight. Any advice is appreciated.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Dec. 29, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • 'Open Relationship' can never work. Neither pension in the relationship is getting all of the other person. You are not giving love or respect unconditionally if it is okay to go to someone else's bed.
    My advice is to stop. It can't work.

    Answer by RutterMama at 1:24 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • That's why if you want an open relationship, you don't get married!


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Sounds like he never really wanted the relationship to be open in the first place, maybe he just agreed to keep you around and then later realized how bad it really bothered him. Sounds like you both want totally different things. He wants to be with only you, and you don't like having sex with him, and want to be with other men. Maybe you should sit down and think which is more important to you, Do you want your husband and his lousy sex? Or do you want to be single and have good sex?

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 1:26 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Leave him is my advice. The relationship is broke. Past fixing. I guess he thought he could handle an open relationship. but found out he could not.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:27 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • It sounds like he didnt want a open relationship and just told you what you wanted to hear, is it possible you brought it up so often your were blind to his true feelings when he finally did say fine?

    open realtionships are meant for very strong people emotionally and honestly what you have going leans more poly than "open" if you are married I think that swinging works better but thats JMO.

    My gut feeling says you pushed him to do what he didnt want to do and now you are paying the price, open realtionships are not common in marriages swinging is, they really are two very different things. open realtionships are almost always one sided, if your dh has not acted on it that should clue you in.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • All I can say is any serious relationship with other people doesn't work. You can't love someone and want to be with other people. I just don't see the logic in that at all. I mean if you want to date around then be single and you can do what you like without restrictions or judgments. But if you truly love someone them why would you need anyone else? Maybe he only agreed to it to see your reaction on it. If he loves you then I highly doubt that he was ever going to be okay with it. He probably just went along with it to see if you were actually serious. Because if someone is willing to be open then it says a lot about someone and there commitment to you. I think that maybe you should evaluate what you want and then sit down and talk with him. If you love him and want him then try to work things out. But if you just want some play time and nothing to serious then make sure he understands that. because that could make him

    Answer by Morgan. at 1:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • you guys really need to sit down and try to have a loooonng convo. The first place you guys went wrong was to have an open relationship. Marriage is between 2 people, thats it. When others are invited in, this go bad as you already know. He's doing all of this because he doesnt want to share you and is afraid that you're going to go out with someone else. You have to find a way to assure him of your love for him. As for the sex, tell him what you want or show him. Take control of the sex one night, you do everything and show him how you want it. gl. Be gentle.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • realize that maybe he isn't right for you. But don't put all of the blame on him. You are both to blame. He shouldn't have agreed to it and you shouldn't even be doing something like that unless you are positive he is okay with it. I don't see the point in being in a relationship and sleeping with other people. Like I said, be single and you won't have to worry about hurting anyone. But if he can't handle your lifestyle then let him go. It's not fair to put him through hell because you don't want to commit to him, if that's the case. A relationship should be something special you share with someone you love. Not a part time orgy fest.

    Answer by Morgan. at 1:31 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Leave him is my advice. The relationship is broke. Past fixing. I guess he thought he could handle an open relationship. but found out he could not.
    Louise, you give some of the worse advice i had ever seen. I've seen some of your responses and most of them were horrible, sorry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • OP here.. thanks for all the answers so far. Much appreciated. Makes me realize I have lots to think about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Dec. 29, 2009