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Is it time to finally end this for good?

My husband and I were seperated for 4 months, he had been treating me like crap, making me feel ugly and unwanted and I ended up making out with his friend, we tried for a month to work it out, then split, he said he didn't love me anymore and that it couldn't work cause of me making out with his friend. Then in sept. he wanted to try working it out again, I agreed, I loved him still. Now almost 4 months back together and I feel again like before we split, he doesn't show me enough affection again, I've talked to him him about it over and over again, and the fact that he works so much and is never home even when he can be, he chooses his own work hours but still usually is gone 12+ hours.

I feel like he only got back with me so he has a maid and doesn't have to pay child support. He also refuses to fill out paperwork to get our daughter medicaid and repeatedly does selfish things (cont.)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Dec. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Not sure what you will do but I couldn't live like that. I'd have to find out what life offered me.You have a right to happiness and it sounds like he's not interested in providing happiness for you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • (cont.) I've talked to him about wanting to leave him, that I'm not happy and he never wants to talk, yet says he doesn't want me to leave. I started packing one day saying I was leaving, and I really planned to. It was yet another day that he didn't want me to go in to town with him, when I've been stuck in the house all day and barely seen him. Anyway, he took our daughter and my phone and left so I had no way to leave. I calmed down, but every day I think of leaving him, except I have no money and dont want to go live with my mother again like i did when we were split before, yet have no where else to go. I feel like the only thing keeping me here is that its more convieniant cause i got into a bad depressive rut when we were split before and I don't want that to happen again. I have a job oppurtunity in another town but it wont be available for awhile, if I could get that I know I'd be gone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • i mean i know its easier said than done, but i think its time to be done. you don't deserve to be treated like that, you don't deserve to feel ugly or unwanted. If you guys have already split and got back together and its still not working, i do think its time to end things. If both parties are not making 100 percent effort its not ever going to work. I myself am in a marriage like that as well and its very hard. I think the most important factor is your daughtes happiness. If she is not happy and not living the life that she should, than just move on. If he is not the one for you, there is someone out there for you that wont make you feel like that. Also about the medicad stuff, why does he have to do it? I don't mean that in a snotty way, but i did all of that for my children and didn't need a thing from my husband, but maybe a few questions for the paper.
    sexy_can_i

    Answer by sexy_can_i at 6:31 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I know exactly how you feel about leaving, i have no where to go as well and job at the moment, So if i was to leave i'd have to go to a shelter and start all over again, its and its really hard to do and its really hard to even think about doing. If i was you just wait on that job offer if you can, and the second you get....get out and never look back again.
    sexy_can_i

    Answer by sexy_can_i at 6:33 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Sounds like there is a lot of damage there. Is counseling an option for you (or both of you). You can not un-do what happened with his friend-so if he can not get past it, you will have to split up. I agree-its a big world out there and you need to be a part of it and be happy and productive. Having a child together means you need to make sure you have done all you can before you call it quits. If you have done all you can do and there is still bitterness/unhappiness then you need to move on and make sure your child has a stable life. Life is full of these terrible moments that some how have to be put together to make a better/happier more stable life. Live and learn- good luck!
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 6:34 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • (continued again) I need to have help figuring out how to make myself leave him. I really put it off for the holidays, I love his adoptive family, but not his biological, I wanted another Christmas with the adoptive family. My family hates him, but all his family loves me. Its so much easier for him and I think he's in this for the convience too. I can't seem to find any other job so I don't know how I'll support myself and my daughter. The divorce was almost done (had a final hearing) except for the 6 month waiting period for it to be final so thats easy enough to get started again, but I can't make myself actually get up and leave (btw I also have no drivers license which i do plan on getting soon) I'm kinda using him as crutch, which sounds bad, but he says he wants me to stay and I wish it could work out, but I just don't see how it can. Where do I go from here?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • So what are you getting out of this relationship? Love, support, caring, understanding, trust, companionship, physical satisfaction? Because to me it sounds like you aren't getting anything.

    You need to make YOU happy. You are a mother and your #1 is being a good role model for your child. Otherwise, think of it this way. This is the type of relationship you are modeling for her. This is the type of guy she will look for. This is how she will think she deserves to be treated. Would you let a man treat your daughter that way? Then, you shouldn't let one treat you that way either. You are better than that!! You deserve more!

    And as far as it being the right time to leave. When I left my ex husband I didn't have a doubt. I knew in an instance that I couldn't stand another moment with him. So when the time is right I think you will know and won't have to question it anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Wow, you guys posted before i got it all written! lol, anyway, for medicaid he had to fill out the stuff for his self employment, I had done it and they told me he had to do it, I think thats stupid but its what they said, I filled out the main application. He would never even consider counseling even if we could afford it, he won't even talk to me about anything when I bring up how I feel. He wants to sweep everything under the rug and act like everything is perfect, just the way he treats me better in front of other people than when we are alone. Just the way he blames me for our money problems cause I can't find a job, yet he spends money on things we don't need.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • You need to do what makes YOU happy. He is destroying who you are and making your life miserable. He doesn't deserve you and you need to move on. Don't make excuses as to why you can't leave, just do it. Move in with your mom until that job oppertunity is available and then move.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:00 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Set a plan sweetie. Something along the lines of 1) drivers licence, 2) make copies of all pay stubs, tax returns and bills. 3) fill out the application for child support enforcement before you leave 4) fill out the medicaid form before you leave and say he's not the custodial parent and they can go after him for child support, 5) Start saving money now, extra change around the house, take small amounts from the bank account, ask friends and family for personal loans. Never ever allow yourself to get stuck and that's exactly the position you've put yourself in right now. Always have money or something for a back up plan.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 7:03 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

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