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what motivates you

I think dh is falling out of love with me because when we met (a year and a half ago) I was a single mom who was motivated to no end... Well now we have a 4 month old together and I've been a sahm for the last year (I quit my job to move to his town) I have slowly gotten less and less motivated to do anything. I told him I was going to get a job after the holidays (although to me that's after the new year) and today he came home to me on the couch and make the remark "that's sure getting a job" plus he's talking to a girl he knows I hate. I'm worried I'm going to loose him if I don't get more motivated but truth be told I just can't give myself that swift kick in the but I really want/need. So what motivates you?

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mom06and09

Asked by mom06and09 at 6:29 PM on Dec. 29, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • You have a 4 month old, if money is ok with out you working why would you get a job and pay for daycare?
    (not a bash just a question)
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 6:31 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Good grief. Does he know how much daycare for a small baby is? Unless you can get a really great paying job it will take all your money just for daycare. You might remind him there is still a recession going on and does he really want his new baby in daycare during flu season? I'd tell him to get over himself and I'd wait until the baby's immune system is better and the flu season is over.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:36 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Moneys tight and just getting tighter as she's getting older and playing/needing bigger diapers (meaning less in a package)
    mom06and09

    Answer by mom06and09 at 6:37 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • unless you have a particular career then my sugestion to you would then be to try and get a job at a daycare - the pay will suck, but you will get a discount on the daycare cost, and will get to see your baby during the day, and see the care she is getting
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 6:38 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • you can't be the only one that tries. thats BS that he won't stop talking to her- I F*cking hate double standards... I bet he'd flip if you'd talk to certain guys. I think you both need to sit down and talk, talk about everything. sounds right now what your relationship is lacking is communication- and maybe a little bit of respect on his part.
    Hali_Taylor

    Answer by Hali_Taylor at 6:44 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I'm right there with you. When DH and I first met I was full of energy, full of power, and just motivated to no end. Then when I got pregnant with DS it slowly started to dicipate. then my motivation and energy went full down fill when I got pregnant with DD. I know he thinks a little less of me now. Though he claims that he doesn't. I can't seem to find it in me to do that sort of thing..

    But I think I'm just going to have to stop the excuses and force myself to take charge.. because nothing else has worked.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:45 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Sounds like you've lost yourself. You moved to be with him. Do you have friends around you? Family visit often? I know how you feel. I left my home town to be with my s/o and I felt very very lonely for two years. Get out and find some friends whether it's at a play group or go to the mall. You really need to take time for yourself and get back what it is that you feel like you lost.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 6:46 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Nope no friends or family. Just me my 3 year old our 4 month old and you ladies. I've tried finding play groups but haven't yet found any. I do take ds to the mall sometimes but dh takes the car to work (he opens the bus station so I know he works before the buses run.) He has to be there at 5 am ds, baby and I get up at 8 everyday and get eat and are ready to leave by around 11 get to the station around 11:30 then have to be back by 1 to pick him up. But I have to feed the ds so he can take a nap in the afternoon. So more often then not the kids and I just stay home. When the weather gets a little nicer I do plan to take the kids to the park but its so cold out that no one else is ever at the parks anymore so on days I actually get the kids out the door and across the street to the park its still just us.
    mom06and09

    Answer by mom06and09 at 7:01 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • You need to get out. If you can call family or friends to babysit, then post an ad in your community. Start a babysitting co-op. That means you babysit other kids sometimes and they baby sit yours sometimes. I wouldn't tolerate dh talking to another woman period. I'd tell him to cut that shit off or he's going to be cut out of the picture plain and simple. What is important right now is that you get out and take care of yourself. You're a mommy but you are also more than a mommy. This won't happen over night but if you take the steps, it will happen. There has got to be someone in your area here on cafemom that would love to start a babysitting co-op with you. Maybe ask if anyone is in your area in questions or in a group.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 7:10 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Sounds like dh has no idea what living with a new baby is like, or how physically tiring it is to be pregnant and then recover from pregnancy while taking care of a live human baby for 4 months. You could gently describe your experience with exhaustion...

    Just a little advice for your future happiness: spend less time thinking about what kinds of things people (all people, not just strangers or family) say around you and more about what you want to do and how you are doing it. As you well know, 95% of what comes out of people's mouths (including yours) has nothing to do with carefully-considered, researched opinion that's been thought out for half a day before being delivered. In other words: crap falls out of people's mouths and stirs you up for a week and a half when they forgot they said it within 18 seconds.

    Learn to let it go. It really is not important.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 7:49 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

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