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How do I quit being so angry

I gave birth at 25 weeks gestation, my son is still in the NICU and hasn't been able to be held yet. I did everything I could to have a safe pregnancy and make sure my baby was healthy. My son will still be in NICU for another 6 weeks, mean while my friend who smoked all during pregnancy and went to bars delivered a full term heathy baby today. I never want to see anything bad happen to a baby but how do I get over the resentment that she had such a great delivery and outcome with her baby although she did horrible things while pregnant while I did what I could that was safe for my baby and it's my son clinging to life everyday?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Dec. 29, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (9)
  • Wow I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be hard and I can understand your frustration. Just remember there are people out there who haven't been so lucky. No matter what, you just need to remember that there are people out there worse off than you. Women who want so bad to be mothers and they can't. Women who've tried and tried for years to carry a baby full term but miscarry continuously and doctors can't figure out why. Mothers who have had to give birth to a stillborn baby, or mothers who've lost their babies to SIDS or other unexplainable circumstances. But you have a baby. You are a mommy. And although your situation isn't ideal, your child has survived and will soon be better and in your arms. Just remind yourself everyday that you did nothing wrong and even though your friend did bad things during her pregnancy and had a healthy baby, a real mother wouldn't have put her child at risk like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Oh honey I wish I could give you a hug. I understand it is so hard to watch people do all the wrong things and do well in life. This is a normal reaction especially considering your situation. Maybe you can see if there is a support group for NICU parents, I am sure you aren't the only one who feels this way, and talking to others and just getting it off your chest will help. Once the stress in your life goes down you will feel less anger but it will take time. I will pray for you and you little one.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:45 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • It is completely normal to feel that way!!!! After my son passed I hated seeing other boys alive! This lasted up to 6 months or less. Now just because the baby appears healthy now doesn't mean it will be down the road!!!! Smoking while pregnant can cause the baby to have asthma; and bad, worse than those who inherited it!!! If she was drinking depending on how much she drank can , can cause mild to severe downs syndrom; but again depends on amount consumed durring pregnancy. Or she may have had a healthy enough diet to aid the baby in warding off these birth defects, and genetics play a part as well. I hope your baby is strong enough to pull through and you will get to tell him and all his buddies how you used t hold him in your hand!!!! But if he does not make it PLEASE don't blame yourself and think you should have just "partied" and he'd be here!!! You did your part, now let God do His; if your a believer and if not I mean
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 7:49 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • no disrespect!!! Please keep your faith and hope alive. I am sorry you are going through this and my heart and thoughts go out to you!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 7:50 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • If you are religious, praying about this will help.
    Keep thinking good thoughts about the well baby and be glad that that baby is healthy. Concentrate on the good, positive thoughts. Think of your baby also with love and tenderness. I had a similar situation when I gave birth prematurely to my first, who was not as ill as your little one, but I wasn't allowed to hold him. So at feeding time the nurses wheeled all the babies to their mother to be fed, and there I lay in bed with empty arms, and the lady in the other bed, smoking, held her well baby. I never felt anger at her baby being well, but I felt ill-used that the hospital was so insensitive as to allow a mom with a sick baby to lay there while her roommate had a healthy baby in her arms. It really was too bad of them.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:52 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • OP HERE - thanks Ladies we do believe in God and the power of prayer, our son just turned 6 weeks last Wednesday and day after Christmas he went in to have surgery to have part of his intestine removed because it had died. He now has a little piece hanging out until he reaches 15 pounds, it will then be reconnected to his colon. It just seems like we can'tget a head, but thank youfor all of your support. I just did not know what I was feeling was normal.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Oh I am soooo sorry. I know sort of how you feel. I have done EVERYTHING within my power to keep my kids healthy, give them every advantage and now my dd has mild autism.

    I look at other parents, especially ones who dont do their job...with "perfect" (no one is perfect...lol) kids and envy and feel anger towards them.....I try not too...

    But just remember that your son may be stronger because of this...a fighter. You cant see into the future and smoking and drinking during pregnancy can carry long term effects...such as learning disabilities...etc.

    NOT THAT I WANT THAT FOR THE OTHER CHILD....just saying....looks can be deceiving sometimes.

    I think you are TOTALLY normal for feeling this way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I'm sorry, that must be tough. I will pray for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • A friend of mine always says this phrase and it is so true. "It is what it is." You just have to let it go and worry about your son. How is he doing? Is he being a strong little fighter? Good Luck mama and son!
    vickwu

    Answer by vickwu at 10:52 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

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