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Working Moms, have you ever felt judged...

by SAHMs? I'm not saying that all stay at home mommas judge those of us who work, but I have gotten crap from a "friend" of mine when she came over and I had a bunch of dirty laundry in the living room. I was in the middle of doing it! It was just laziness to still have it there, apparently. She's a SAHM AND her father pays for a maid to come over for her, plus he watches her 5 year old while she takes care of the youngest. Has anyone else experienced this or am I just over reacting? It made me so mad!


Asked by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on Dec. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Nope, just by my boss. Back in the day when I worked and raised my family, US WORKING MOMS were considered to be the good ones... Ones who could do it all, so to speak.

    I worked full time, raised two wonderful daughters, was married, took care of my house and earned money...

    OMG, I am living proof that it can be done..

    Oh, and may I add, my kids were raised better than most SAHM are raising theirs today... with respect, manners and discipline!!!

    YEAH FOR ME!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • If I've ever been judged, I'm blissfully unaware of it. I don't give a darn about the opinions of others.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:01 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I haven't experienced like that. When I was working: my dd was just 6 weeks old and my ds was 13.5 months old(stupidity on my part!), well the morning I got of my first over night shift my son passed from sids 4 hours later. I returned to work the night after his wake. Not because it didn't effect me but because I couldn't stay up during the day due to the silence! I didn't know how to go from taking care of a new born and an infant to having no one to care for(cps took my daughter the same night because I was 20 and there were no answers for his death, and they were trying to add stuff that hadn't happened.). When I returned I got mixed feed back. But what surprised me was that the men were supportive(you're strong, I don't know what I'd do if I lost my son, I'd quit working but you're here, etc) and the women were vicious(how can she be here working, she must not care, I'd be home in a ball and drinking if that happened to

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 10:10 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I often feel self consciouswhen I tell people I'm a SAHM. Like they think I'm lazy....If I worked half the money would go to child care..its just not worth it for my family and DH would rather I stay home. My best friend works, goes to school and was a single mother(SO was in Iraq so single as far as childcare). I'm always amazed at how organized and efficient she is.  Some people just look for a reason to judge and like me, some people think that your going to judge.  Whatever the case don't pay any attention.  Your finances and children are your own business.


    Answer by Farrahann at 10:11 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Lady I am so sorry. I can't believe you were treated that way.

    Answer by Farrahann at 10:13 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • me, etc). I worked there for 4 months until kodak closed the factory for the winter holidays. I slept all day until it was about time for me to go. I was in a such a deep sleep that I didn't answer the phone or door because I didn't hear them, where as when my babies where there any noise woke me!!! My point is this; peolple always have something to say! So don't take all of it to heart!!! And remeber its always easier to judge and comment on something that's never personally experienced; kind of like a woman who's never had a kid is a best mother because she knows everything thats right for a mother to deal with or handle their child!!!

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 10:16 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • Oh gosh, I am so sorry your "friend" did that. I am a sahm and you can come to my house any day and find a pile of dirty laundry. I try so hard to keep up with it. I do a little better job now that I am not working. Sounds like your "friend" has it easy. If I had a maid and someone to help me with my kids (3 under 3) then my house would look better then it does too. Don't let it get to you, from someone who has been there, it is hard work to be a working mom and keeping up with the house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I have felt the sting of both ends. While i was a sahm, many considered me lazy. They often asked if I was bored and "what to you do all day"? They assumed that I was uneducated and a pos basically. I took off time from work when I had my baby and my son's teacher made the comment, " you're so lucky that you get to stay home". I didn't say anything but I could feel the resentment she had towards me. Inside I was thinking, yea right, must be nice to have your child run to you and be so happy to see you and missed you. Feels like you are actually worth something, you don't get that when you stay at home. Being a mom is a thankless job. It's hard no matter if you stay at home or you work. You will always fall short of what is expected of you. I've both defended being a sahm and being a working mom. I resent the attitude toward sahms that we are lazy as much as I resent sahm's saying someone else is raising our children.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 10:23 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I don't think I have ever felt judged by anyone other than myself! I'm really hard on myself. I don't have any SAHM mom friends who are close so I don't have to deal with it I guess. I want to be home, but I almost wonder if I wouldn't be a little more "laid back" if I were at home? We are hoping to see how that will go soon though. We have 2 babies in daycare and then afterschool for my oldest... that's just insane money!

    Answer by mommystiebler at 11:13 PM on Dec. 29, 2009

  • I stay home and all three of my siblings work. I admire them. If I brought home enough money to make it worthwhile, I'd work. Wish childcare weren't so outrageous. Yes, I know, you can't put a pricetag on good care.....even if it's a total ripoff.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Dec. 29, 2009