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I am so mad at my dh right now

ok i know that i wouldn't win the "mom of the year" award but my kid is healthy and happy. I don't give her a bath everyday. If she wants to run around in just her pull-ups sometimes i don't really care! So tonight he starts giving me crap about how stuff isn't done around the house that needs to be done because i am a stay at home mom so there isn't really an excuse for it. (which i totally get and agree with him) I have just been having a hard couple weeks (i get pretty depressed around the holidays) And he then he said the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. He said "maybe it would be better if you went back to work and we put dd in daycare...I think it would be better for her" I AM SOOOOOOO PISSED OFF!!!! My dd is 3 years old she has been sick with a cold ONCE since shes been born She is VERY healthy and VERY smart (she is 3 and READING by herself which i taught her how to do!) What do you all think about this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on Dec. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • wow holy crap i read over my question and i really suck at typing when i am mad so ignore all the typos!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Did you ask specifically WHY he thought it would be better for her??? That would be my first step.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 5:17 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • I know your upset but honestly working might be a good thing for you and your child. Putting your dd in daycare wouldn't be the end of the world either. Believe it or not but those settings are actually good for the child. It teaches the child social skills that you necessarily aren't. And that doesn't mean your a bad mother, just sometimes other resources are most useful. I have been trying to get my sister to put her 2 yr old in daycare, she is a sahm and online law school student. She has a hard time with HW and his overly hyperness that most times she is scrambling to meet deadline for HW at the end of week, so I tell her she needs to actually be sitting in a classroom if for nothing else the companionship of others. Being a SAHM can be lonely raising a child. Her hubby works hellish hrs and most times its just her and the baby. She is stressed alot of the times as Im sure with you and being out of the home could be help
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • So you are saying that JUST because he works outside of the home he isn't allowed an opinion? WTF sense does that make? She is his child also.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 5:37 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • OP here- He is OF COURSE allowed an opinion but, what he said was just so hurtful! I mean she is healthy and happy and very well loved and he was basically telling me that I am not good at being a mother because the house isnt' always clean and i don't give her a bath EVERYDAY (she hates bathtime btw so it is a HUGE deal everytime i have to do it ) I understand that he has every right to have an opinion but, don't you think maybe he should have gone somewhere else like "maybe we should get a mothers helper for you a couple days a week" VS telling me he thinks it would be better if someone else raised her? I wish that i could explain all the details of our entire realtionship here so that it would be eaiser for people to respond....that is really hard but i will say this He has an idea of life should be how I should be and our dd is the ONLY kid he has ever been around. There are NO kids in his family vs me who has 5 nieces
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:04 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • cont. and 6 newphews....raising kids is HARD they get dirty they are stubborn they don't always sleep when you can and so you get tired and it makes getting the entire house spotless EVERYDAY a little hard....I just want a little compassion from him about how hard being a SAHM can be (its not always hard) but, there are phases that kids go through where it gets really difficult. anyway...I am just really hurt....What would you say to your DH if he said that?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Actually what I said was directed to the person above me, not you OP.

    I would ask why....I would want a detailed reason as to why he felt that way....because I would want to know if he had a general concern about something I am not seeing or if he was just trying to be mean.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 6:20 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • I have a 19 month old that has had ONE ear infection and when she was born up till she was 8-9 months she had a problems with her stomach. But NO she has never been in child care and nor if I can help will she ever be in child care, EVER. We make it work we both work full time and whatever has to be done we do together. So YES I WOULD BE PISSED OFF ALSO. Tell your DH how that makes you feel and make sure he understand what your saying.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • men suck
    sgtdemanda

    Answer by sgtdemanda at 7:43 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Is it at all possible that with you being down during this time of year that you were extra sensitive to what he said?
    I had people (other than hubby) suggest that I put my oldest dd in daycare a couple of days a week, but it wasn't because anyone thought I was a bad Mom, but because of social skills and to help her and I prepare for when she went to school.
    I too have a hard time during the holidays and truthfully, I wish I'd have listened to them in hindsight because adjusting to school life was hard for us.
    Just because your child is sick or not doesn't mean you're a good or bad Mom. Both of my kids had ear/sinus problems all of their lives, one was kept so clean it made her sicker the other I tried to make sure she was exposed to lots of germs to build up the immunity but still... they both are on daily medication for sever allergies, constant ear infections (even after tubes).
    Maybe he thought the job would help you.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:00 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

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