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question about next christmas lol i need advice

am i being completely unreasonable? my husband asked me if we could go to his parent's house for next christmas. they live 3.5 hours away and this is all coming from his mom. i said no because its so hard for us now that we have a baby. she'll be 14 months old then and i really would like her christmas to be spent here at home. plus christmas is huge here. i still have younger sisters that believe in all the magic christmas brings. we always head to my mom's and celebrate our tradition. i know my MIL just wants to spend time with us but i think its just so much easier for her to come here and spend time with us. we ALWAYS go there. plus i dont want to take my daughter away from all the excitement when the inlaws could just come here and be a part of it. she is making us feel guilty and she says she hates it here and won't come. she hasn't seen my husband on christmas in 7 yrs b/c she wont come here.

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samantha21385

Asked by samantha21385 at 9:53 AM on Dec. 30, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 13 (953 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I am in the same boat. My inlaws live in CAli and I live in Georgia so I actually will have to get on a plane for 5 hours next year with an 18 month old! I just figured that I would rather do it before she really understand Christmas. Good Luck!
    chefronswife

    Answer by chefronswife at 9:57 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • SHe is being selfish. I understand wanting to be home for xmas. Why not agree to do Thanksgiving there. Also too bad she doesn't like it there adults don't let stuff like that hinder them. Don't let her guilt you guys when she is being a brat.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 9:58 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Her lost not yours.

    Sad to say, but she needs to come by you, or offer to do an early or late xmas by her. Compromise. If she don't like it then move on, Guilt free.

    I use to do Thanksgiving by my aunts house, but she had 5 boys who were older, and her house was not child proof, so I started doing it at home.
    It was just so much easier. Sometimes it is better doing it your way. What is convient for you and your family don't feel guilty making things right for you, and your family.....That is your husbands family now.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:02 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • If she wants to see everyone badly enough, she will come to you. I have the same issue with my in-laws. My whole family lives around me and she lives 7 hours away. I have a young daughter as well and I am not going to put my DD in a car for 14hrs. during Christmas. Children are supposed to be at home to enjoy their toys. If the kids were older, I might have a different viewpoint, but when the children are little, the family should come to where the children are, IMO. My in-laws don't even decorate, no tree or anything. Here Christmas is a huge deal, we go all out. I refuse to take that tradition away from my DD. I agree with the previous posters, can you spend a different holiday with your in-laws? Good luck Mama.
    Am19v

    Answer by Am19v at 10:08 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • OP
    she is always like this. we do thanksgiving with her every year at HER house. i dont know why she cant put things aside and come here. that way she can be with her family (her daughter lives here too btw) and we can all be together and i wouldn't have to leave my own family. i have 1 brother and 7 sisters, 5 of which are young enough to still believe it all and are super excited about it. they get up super early and we head there to watch them open presents, have a big breakfast and head back to our house until dinner time. i'm 25 and i think that she is just a little bit unfair to even ask now that i have a newborn and she is fully aware of what i do on christmas with my family. then she asked my husband to go up there without us then and he said hell no for obvious reasons. its not like we fight or have a bad relationship. and she loves m daughter. she is just acting childish i believe.
    samantha21385

    Answer by samantha21385 at 10:08 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • OP
    oh yeah i forgot to mention that she is a scrooge and hates christmas. she doesn't even put up a tree. there's no way i'm gonna have my daughter miss all that and also miss my little sister's excitemnet as well i'm just starting to look like the bad guy in all this with her but i dont care. his dad is staying neutral lol.
    samantha21385

    Answer by samantha21385 at 10:12 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • rotate one year with her and one year at home. its perfectly reasonable for her to request.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • I think some kind of compromise is in order here. Maybe you could go to her house every other year for Christmas and do the same for Thanksgiving, as in the years you are going to stay home for Christmas, go to her house for Thanksgiving or some other holiday that is important to her. If you insist on having your own way every year, you are bound to cause family resentments that will spill over into your marriage and other family dynamics. Your child will not be harmed by not being home every year for Christmas, and she will have wonderful memories of Christmases at Grandma's house, too.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:42 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • You have your own family now and make your own traditions. Everyone goes through this. It can be hard to separate from the traditions you had growing up and start your own. If you want to stay home, then stay home. She will have to adjust. If you tell her NO now, she'll have all year to get used to it, and possibly come around to visiting you instead. Your baby doesn't need to be driven all around on holidays. Her request is not reasonable.

    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:43 AM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • You say they haven't spent Christmas together in 7 years. Where's the compromise here? Sounds like the last 7 years was your way. Perhaps you need to start a rotation. One year Thanksgiving her house and the next Christmas. Perhaps you could arrange to go the day before Christmas to her house or the day after depending on when Christmas falls. Yes spending time with your family may be more exciting but never spending any Christmas with her I just don't understand. Yes it may be easier on you but why should she always be the one to put herself out. If you don't all sit down & talk things out and compromise now then you're looking for a rocky road ahead. We do Christmas at home then go to my parents and then his parents house in the evenings. It's important to me that our children get to spend time with both sets of grandparents at Christmas. Granted we're only traveling 1 1/2 hrs but even if it was more we'd try & make it work.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 2:13 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

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