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What do I do with my irritable fiance and father of my boys?

I am having an issue where, my 23 yr old fiance is irritable all the time. He is really mean in the mornings. I am person that gets flustered easy and sometimes I misplace things and have trouble finding them. When this happens he makes me stop what I am doing right then to go find what I lost and he says things like "GET UP NOW!" in a condescending tone. he is impatient with the kids. He doesn't even give them time to actually do something wrong before he is starts talking like they have. He curses at me and gets really ugly during fights. The living situation right now is affecting him 2. We are living with my hard 2 please mom and she fights w him. He is having trouble getting a job. I know he is a good person. He battles depression and his mind. I know he loves me. I want to help him but I know I can't "SavE" him or change him. He gets defensive when I try to talk. He has NEVER hit me. I don't know what do, Any suggestions

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SusanaJuly

Asked by SusanaJuly at 1:27 PM on Dec. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Don't marry him
    boogernoodle

    Answer by boogernoodle at 1:30 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • All i can say is try as HARD as you can to get out of your moms house. It sounds like he has a mixture of immaturity and stress from living with your mom. Believe me, we did that once and nothing good can come from it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Boogernoodle (lol @ that) has the right idea. You're making excuses for his behaviour but regardless of what's causing it, it's wrong of him to be like that with you and your kids. He sounds downright mean.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 1:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • You are aware that abuse comes in many forms and he's being verbally abusive to you and kids? Living with your Mom is stressful on you both and especially with him not working. I've got a grown son and if he and his fiancee lived in my house, I imagine I would (not intentionally) make it extremely uncomfortable for them to stay. You have to make and accomplish your short/long term goals. Sounds like you're both too young to be marrying. Have you ever tried living on your home and allowing him visitation?

    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 2:06 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • First, you need to stop making excuses for behavior that is inexcusable. No matter what the circumstances, he should not be cursing at you nor ordering you around. Secondly, you must recognize that this is who this man is. Pressures of any kind bring out the real person, and for whatever reason, you are just now seeing him for who he really is. You do have children whom this man has fathered, and you have to assume responsibility for having made that choice be it good, bad, ugly, or whatever. Since you are already living with your mom and the two of them apparently don't get along, I would ask him to live elsewhere until such time that he has proven to your satisfaction that he can control his impulses to yell at you and the children. You are not saying never, but you are saying not right now. If this man truly loves you, then he will be willing to make the necessary changes. If he isn't willing, you will know that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Sounds a LOT like my 21 year old fiance. lol I guess you just gotta be patient..let him breathe....tell him to go out and relax....don't nag at him for no good reason...don't smother him...give him space...let him try to deal with whatever is going on, and let him do it himself. Guys like that...especially mine....HATE talking about things....epsecially their feelings and whats going on inside their heads. Just give him space....tell him to maybe go out with some friends one night...or even ask him to go out somewhere with you...get a sitter...and go out spend some alone time...i don't know....lol thats how I handle my man...but he's still the same...haha but I don't mind...we have our good days and we have our bad days...but we love each other... Good luck =)
    michellelee3708

    Answer by michellelee3708 at 2:59 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

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