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Why do I always go to far... I feel really stupid right now. Should he not be my friend anymore?

I was having an IM conversation with my friend and sex got brought up... he was telling me how he likes to have sex for fun and I told him that I was not that kind of girl. He said that he will never disrespect my choice to not have sex with him, I told him that I trusted him. He mentioned being tempted so I asked him a hypothetical type question that if we started kissing and got in the mood, would he be able to stop... I got nothing back in return... I told him that he made me feel like an ass for not answering and I still got nothing back in return. Its been bothering me all day so I sent him a text apologizing for my stupid question and that I hope that he isn't mad at me and haven't heard back from him. This will be my last attempt but should I really be letting it bother me this bad.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Dec. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Honestly, I think that what you asked isn't really a stupid question. I don't mean this mean, but I think that he would have "dropped you" anyway, because he was NOT interested in being a REAL friend, and he was NOT interested in being a boyfriend. He was interested in simply hooking up, and when you basically said that you had more respect for yourself than that, he lost interest.

    I would let it go - don't contact him, don't apologize to him for asking. If he contacts you again, you can continue to be friends (and stick to your guns about the whole sex just for fun issue). If not, you deserve a LOT better, and you dodged a huge bullet.

    Also, his not answering says that, if what I said isn't true and that's not why he didn't answer, then it was because the answer was no, he wouldn't be able to stop, which means he wouldn't be respecting your choice to say no.

    You weren't asking a stupid question at all!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Either you are very young or you are very immature. The guy wants in your panties and is letting it bug you until you feel consumed by the thought. He already knows that you care about him so he will use it for his purpose. No friendship is worth losing your inner peace. Stop texting the guy, forget about it. If he was your "true friend" he will come around like nothing. But all this sounds like high school drama. In my opinion you don't need to apologize because he thinks you are a teaser by saying I don't want to have sex with you but just hypothetically speaking... I mean stop the drama, don't correspond with this guy and be more assertive, guys process things differently than girls do. Don't play with fire or you will end up burned type of thing.

    Answer by bebita at 2:55 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Why did you apologize? It was a valid question. I agree with everything sailorwifenmom said.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • I always let guilt get the best of me. I am very insecure when it comes to being ignored, whether that is or isn't the reason he stopped talking to me, I can never let it go. I am trying to work on this but at the same time it isn't easy and that is why I always find myself apologizing. Thanks ladies... I really needed to hear that what I asked wasn't stupid. I can only move on and try to have a better day.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • He is playing you like a fiddle to get what HE wants,,,,don't even give him the time of day, it will end up in heartbreak, guys like a challenge so the less you give him the more he will want you,,, you don't mention if you are interested in him other that friendship, and you certainly could find more productive ways to get self esteem. Are you single? Why not join a group of some sort. You have nothing to be sorry for, but don't fall for this crap, I bet he calls you within 2 days...personally I wouldn't answer!

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:04 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • just take care of your kids. unless your prepared financially for another child because the guy definitely doesn't care about your feelings. Help him to grow up by being a grownup yourself and ignore what he did to you and ignore your silly emotions.

    It happened move on.

    Answer by lfl at 3:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • I say, heed the advice of bebita. She is so dead on.

    Answer by donzgurl at 6:21 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

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