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What do you do when your DH/SO tells you

he is gonna go somewhere and come right back and doesn't. Like my DH justs told me he was gonna go pick something up and come back. He has been gone 1 1/2 hours and I called. He is at Home depot and is then gonna go to his friends house. Wtf? I have been waiting for him to get back and then I get screwed. he does this so much and doesn't see nothing wrong with it. I always tell him before he leaves see you in 4 hours then this time I said make it six. He laughed and said no next year and just leaves. I know I'm probably over reacting but it pisses me off.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:48 PM on Dec. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Next time ask him to call you while he's out, to give you an idea of when he'll be back. Some guys just don't "get it". They're off in their own little world doing this and that, and they sincerely think their woman is doing the same. Be clear that it hurts your feelings when he doesn't come home when he says he will. (Why does that really bother you? Do you think he's up to no good, or are you worried about him when he's out and about? If it's the latter, just ask him to check in every now and then to let you know he's ok. If it's the former, you've got way more issues on your hand than what you've posted.) My husband calls me to let me know where he's going and how long he's going to be because he expects the same of me. It's just a mutual respect thing with us. Our schedule effect's the others in some way or another. I guess you could say our worlds revolve around one another.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • My dh use to do that alot a few years ago and it pissed me off! He would say I'm going to the store or to get gas and then when I call him, it's oh he's at his friends blah blah blah. We've gotten into big arguments over this. He's not like that anymore though but it took alot of arguing and some growing up on his part lol. Now when he says he going somewhere he goes there and comes right back or if he happens to stop somewhere else he will call me and let me know and comes right back not too long after.
    funmommy123

    Answer by funmommy123 at 7:01 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • OP- answering anonymous. I have told him before to call and he told me I'm not his mother he doesn't have to check in. I know he is off in his own world he kinda explained that before. that times just flies by and he doesn't realize how long he really is. I tell him every time he does it hurts my feelings, he doesn't care or he wouldn't do it , IMO. It bothers me because we do absolutely nothing together, every time he does something it's by himself or with his friends. I don't drive so I am always in the house with DS. If we do go somewhere with him we are gone a hour or 2 at the most than we go back home. Another thing is when he is gone he never answers the phone and says he didn't hear it. But if your gone for a couple hours he should expect a call from me if not I would think he would call me. nope not at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Guys seem to do this a lot. They get out and get to talking with friends or watching a game and forget about the time. I used to tell my x that when it gets dark outside then that should be a clue it's time to come home! He would leave in the morning for "a few minutes" and come back at bed time.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:22 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • I'm the bad guy... It drives me up the wall when my hubby goes to the grocery store and 3 hours later I call and he's not made it to the store because he stopped by X's store but it's usually a legitimate reason. I've "ran to the store" and it should've taken no more than 30 minutes to be back home but I remembered that I needed gas, the kids are supposed to take X to school, I have a friends backpack in the car and I gotta do it while I'm out or I'll forget again etc.
    It bugs me when he calls and says "where the heck are you?", I feel like I'm being disciplined and it pisses me off just as I'm sure it does your hubby. And that makes us do it on purpose sometimes just out of spite.
    Marriage isn't ownership and we're not supposed to "parent" our spouses. If this is something he normally does, you either need to get used to it, he needs to change it, or you need to exit the relationship.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:24 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • And if you tell him "see you in four hours"... he knows you expect him to be gone a lot longer than he said he was going to be.
    If you don't know how to drive... learn if possible. If you don't have a car, see about getting one so you can come and go too. It stinks having to sit around and wait on someone to be there with and for you and take you where you need to go, not to mention medical emergencies.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • OP- Even if I say it, It doesn't mean he has to do it. IMO it should mean he makes sure not to do it.

    I want to drive but scared, I just don't have no one to teach me. He said he would but I really can't go by anything he says, been together over 4 years and he hasn't taught me yet. Plus he said the other day he doesn't want me driving in the snow. and we already have 2 cars.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • I do understand the fear of driving. I had my permit for 4 years before I got my license because I didn't trust myself alone in the car.
    If he won't teach you, you can go take a drivers ed course I think, or have a friend who has patience to work with you. I'd tell him if he was going to leave me at home then teach me how to drive so I could get to where I wanted or needed to go.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:19 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • My husband used to do this too. So, one night i told him I was at the grocery store and went to his brother and sil's house. I think i was gone about 5 hours. he couldn't acuse me of anything I didn't do because I was with his family (he and his bro are really close) and he learned how worried I got when he did that to me. He still goes out and stays a little longer than planned sometimes but he always calls and lets me know where he is!
    Jjoneslagrange

    Answer by Jjoneslagrange at 9:01 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • thats not overreacting. he is being totally disrespectful to you and your children even. he does it because he doesnt think you would let him otherwise. he feels he is "MAN!" and can do whatever he pleases, even if it means screwing you over. try doing it to him.. say you are going to get some groceries or something, then have a girls night out. let him watch the kids, do dinner, whatever. let him know how it feels.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 9:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

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