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My husband just got home from 8mnts of training. He says his feelings for me have changed. Is this normal?

It has also come out that he met another women there. He does not know if his feelings for her are true or if she is just a close friend. I need help on what to do? Do I stick with him or leave him?

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Asked by scponce at 10:46 PM on Dec. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • counceling
    good luck

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 10:48 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • Try counseling. This other girl is new and exciting, you know the saying that the grass is always greener. Truth is, he's your husband. He married YOU, what did those vows mean to him? My ex pulled similar crap, he was sleeping with the other woman and lying to me that it was just a wonderful friendship. I tried to stick it out, but once I realized he didn't even care that he was killing me inside I started to loose all respect and didn't want him anymore either. He kept promising to work it out, all while still with her. I asked him to call it off with her, he said he did and her response was she'd wait for him. I didn't want to fight a 20 year old for my own husband of 6 years/father of my 5 month old daughter. I was tired and did all I could do, and the day I found drugs in his car I got my own place. There are lots of us with similar stories and he's creating a hard road either way he goes.

    Answer by camiam81 at 10:59 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • 8 months away from someone is really tough on any relationship because you each grow in different directions, you get used to not being with that person and of course you do meet other people (male or female, friends or attractions).
    If he told you about his feelings you have to give him props, he is atleast an honest person and if he doesn't know whether they're friends or what, then chances are he hasn't had sex with her but I'm guessing he's in the military, and under that circumstance, I'm sure they rely on each other in a whole different way than we civilians do.
    If I loved him, I'd try to make it work, especially since he was honest (if he was) about the way he's feeling right now, if he still wants to.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:57 PM on Dec. 30, 2009

  • What is your heart telling you? Shut your brain up for a sec so you can hear already know what you want to do...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • It is normal for someones feelings to change after an exceptionally long separation, but he was honest about it which means he must still care for you. I know you probably don't see it that way but if he didn't care he wouldn't have forwarned you that he had feelings for this other woman that he met at training. They have marriage counseling for military personnel they also have marriage seminars for people who are reuniting after an extended period of time. I would suggest that before you two call it quits with the marriage that you try these two options. He needs to understand that it was excrutiatingly hard for you to be separated from him for those eight months and that he owes it to you to at least try to see if he might be wrong about this new woman, because it might just be an infatuation because she was the only pretty thing to look at for so long. I hope this works out for the best, good luck and best wishes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • the advice on "shut your brain up and listen" is know inside what you have to do. I agree counseling is needed, but your dh is the one with the choice. he needs to decide to go to therapy with you and let this other woman go, completely. dont you dare let him have ya both while he "decides" screw that. he took vows and that means you are done "dating" I dont care how hard it is to be apart...sorry hon, this is sucky.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 9:09 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

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