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Co-parenting with my dh(venting)

I'm on vacation with dh and our 3 kids(2 mine, 1 his). Feel like pulling my hair out, his son is the youngest of our 3 kids and is acting out but instead of creating boundaries with discipline, my husband keeps giving him chance after chance and his behavior is outrageous. When I confront my dh, he is defensive and this makes me even more frustrated. He is almost 5th grade and needs to learn better behavior. My 2 kids keep asking why he's allowed to get away with stuff that I would never allow them to get away with.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 AM on Dec. 31, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (5)
  • You need to tell you dh that it isn't fair for there to be different rules for his son than your children they all need to follow the same rules or your house will become chaotic.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 2:28 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Without making a big production about it, you and your kids should do something away from the dad and the unruly child. Just tell your husband that you came here for a vacation and that you and the other kids are going to do something fun. If he wants to discuss it, tell him that you can talk about it after you get back home.

    If your husband wants to indulge his child's unruly behavior, then let him do so, but not at the expense of you and the other kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • If this were me, this is how I would love to solve this issue: I would pack up my two children, rent the hotel room next right down the hall, and schedule times to meet up. I'll tell him there seems to be a lot things he has to work out with his child. In the mean time we (meaning me and my children) would love to join them often. You are not the one who needs to be disciplining this child as the step mom. In addition, if I didn't see an improvement then we would have to take separate family vacations. As in I will take vacation with my children and we can scedule an adult vacation with just the two of us but no children. I will not vacation or even live with a child or a man who cannot at least try and work on better parenting skills.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:30 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • You need to set up a time to talk to your DH, not confront him. Maybe write out descriptions of what you see for examples so your husband does not feel as he is being confronted and that his son needs to be defended. I'm not saying that you go in yelling and screaming about it but the word confront does sound accusatory.

    I cannot imagine how hard it is to blend two families and styles of parenting. A good friend of mine is going through this with her DF and they each have one child and they do have separate rules for each kid, including for schooling - one is in public and the other private.

    Ask your DH how he feels that he could maybe make things a little more equal for all of the kids - everyone helps set and clear the table, his son then does x, but not y &z. Your kids do y & z but not x. See what rules work for who and how and then things should get a little easier.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 4:23 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I can imagine that you have a frustrating circumstance on your hands...BUT he has the right to parent his child how he wants and you have the right to parent your children how you want. Nobody likes to be told how to parent thier child, and that may be how he is feeling, so instead of focusing on the differences focus on what is working and try to come up with a game plan that can work for both of you.

    As to your children, just explain that he has different rules because you are not the mom, and his mom and dad do things differently..it's really no different then when they go to someone else's house and that house has diferent rules.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 8:28 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

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