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Demanding child support is like holding my baby hostage?!?!

Today I called child support services to ask the status of my case and I had a phone interview with one of the workers on the spot and what he said really got me heated. He asked, "Is the father currently seeing his child?" I said no, I don't allow it. He asked me why not. I went down the list: he's been in and out of jail since I got pregnant, he is an alcoholic, FOUR MONTHS AGO WE GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENT BECAUSE HE WAS DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF NARCOTICS, he steals money from me....and on and on.
After explaining that to him I asked, "Besides, he hasn't given me a dime since she was born. He can't see her until he starts paying child support, right?"
He told me, "No ma'm. We don't advocate keeping a child from their father. What you're doing is like holding the child hostage in exchange for ransom"
ummm...excuse me? Has anyone heard of this? Does he legally have any right to see her if he isn't paying?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:02 AM on Dec. 31, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (17)
  • Yes, he has the legal right to see his child even if you don't get any money. It's not pay for play here. Should have thought about that before you had sex.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Child support and visitation are two separate issues under many state laws. If I were you, I'd write his a$$ off and list the father as unknown. Get help through the state instead of having that kind of man in your child's life. If he doesn't want anything to do with your child, call the child support place back and say there's been a misunderstanding and he's not the father after all.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:11 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • He has a legal right to see the child. You not letting him see the child just because of child support is yes like holding the child for ransom. It is wrong. Also depending on your court papers it can be illegal too. If your papers say that he is to see the child he can take you to court or even show up at your door with a cop and you will be forced to let the child visit.

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 3:18 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • thats not true what he said. when my sister n i both had to go through our parent divoricing cause we got 2 diff dads the lawyers said that we were not to see our fathers till they paid the full amount. i didnt see my dad for almost 2 yrs.

    Answer by EliseSantos at 3:28 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • They are absolutely correct. Your child is not for rent to his/her daddy. He should not have to pay to see the child. That is simple greed.
    I do understand your needs for funding for the child's well being. BUT, the relationship should not be a part of that.
    I think that you need to push the child's safety as the main reason for with holding visitation and make sure your caseworker knows exactly what is up regarding his issues.

    Answer by Whatkids at 4:24 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Child support and visitation are two separate issues in most states. You could ask for "supervised visitation" since you're concerned for your child's safety and well-being.

    Answer by Ewadun at 5:46 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I doubt there are many family court judges who would deny a parent visitation based ONLY on whether or not he/she was current with their child support payments. Now the laundry list of other reasons you mentioned would be far more than enough for me to limit the time and or places he would see that child. Never without supervision. Never in any situation where he would be driving with the child in the car. Personally I think not paying child support (ordered or not) makes any parent lower than whale shit, and there is no excuse for it. If you can't pay all of it, you can go without food to make sure your child has it! You can go without anything to make sure your child has what is needed. But that's just my opinion and I come by it from personal experience. Good luck! Hope he gets his act together or something changes for the better!


    Answer by SimplyLaine at 7:10 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Yeah, it's ransom. Stupid I know, but it is.

    All the other reasons you stated are plenty, but as far as child support, you can't keep a child from it's father/mother because they haven't payed.

    Answer by BaisMom at 8:17 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Yes - child support and visitation are two separate issues. You can go through the courts to prevent visitation, or get it supervised, but it's not dependent upon his paying child support. My ex hasn't paid child support in almost two years, but he sees our kids every other weekend!

    Answer by missanc at 9:01 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • The worker only listened to the last part of what you said. In the future when asked the same question respond w/ "I don't know, why don't you ask his deadbeat ass, oh & tell him the kids need new shoes too". Don't offer more info then they're asking for, it helps to avoid the stupid, ignorant ppl on the other end of the phone. Depends on the state on whether or not they can see the kids w/out paying support but sounds like, based on his comment, that's not the case in your state. I wouldn't bring up the $$ again, use all the other crap he's done wrong, that's PLENTY of reason to keep him away.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:10 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

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