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Do your kids know all the ins and outs of your relationships?

My DD, 16, just told me that her BFF is going up north with her father to keep him busy while her mom moves her and the DD out of the house. As far as I know there is no physical abuse going on.

I just don't think kids should know and be involved in the details of the parent's relationships. What do you think?


Asked by Cindy18 at 9:19 AM on Dec. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Level 28 (33,953 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • My kids know nothing about my relationship with my boyfriend or my relationship with their father. Those are relationships that they do not need to know anything about. Problems that I may have with either of those men are between me and that particular man, not me, that man, and the kids. The only thing the kids need to know is that we all love them. Period. And I would never expect my children to distract a man I am married to or living with so I can move us out. I'm woman enough to tell him I'm moving out. I hate it when people involve their kids in their relationships like that. It's not necessary and it only screws the kids up.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:52 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • In that situation, divorce, the kids should only know the parents are getting a divorce, that's it. Know more details. Truthfully the kids should not know any details of their parent relationship.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:25 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Relationships should be such that there would be nothing about their knowledge that would be in any way harmful to children. Time was when parents loved each other and were totally committed to one another so that their marriage was an open and honest model to their children. What is so sad today is that the majority of relationships are temporary and family and children are more of a bother than a blessing. I think it is an indication of just how self-centered people have become and it demonstrates that the only person who really matters is "me". It is sad that so many children have to deal with circumstances to which they should never have even been exposed.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:35 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • In this case, I think it's good that the girl knows, assuming that the Dad knows, too. Sort of a way for them to spend time together and not have the awkwardness of him being there when Mom moves them out sort of thing - because imagine how much harder it would be to spring it on her - "surprise honey, while you were gone for a couple of days, we moved! "

    However, in general, my kids (who are also teens) know that there are 4 people in our family - none of them more important than the other 3. But, there are only 2 people in our marriage, and neither of them are named __ or __ (insert my kids' names here). Our relationship as husband and wife is between us.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:44 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I forgot to mention that the dad has no idea that this is happening!

    Answer by Cindy18 at 9:45 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • That is totally wrong for the mom to put the DD in that situation. Getting her to diseave the Father/Husband.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:55 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Oh...the fact that the Dad has no idea is a huge issue. Before I read that I was going to say that the 16 year old would certainly know that the parents are splitting up so what is the big deal about a get-away with Dad...but if the 16 year old is put in a position to lie or cover for mom to dad that is extremely wrong!

    Answer by BJoan at 10:16 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I see this more than I should with the kids at school. The Mom or Dad put the kids in such crazy positions when it comes to family issues. They are not thinking about hos this affects the kids. Even if you no longer love your husband, you child usually still does and they are asked to betray one or the other. The stories kids tell me about Mom or Dad would pop your eyes out. They tell their kids things they should be telling their spouse or a therapist!
    My kids know my husband and I are happy and thriving. We never fight in front of the kids. Disagree-sure that is part of a healthy relationship but fight/belittle/yell- never in front of our kids. Not that we fight much anyway-but you get my point!

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 10:40 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • NO i believe it is selfish even childish to involve children in you personal life period

    Answer by freedomthinks at 10:58 AM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I'm a child psychologist and i encourage just what kristasaid above. if the relationship is with someone that involves them as well, then you should be as open and honest as possible. you should never have them lie for you though or put them in hard situation. but always be honest with them and OPEN, don't hide things from them and never hesitate to let them know why things are the way they are.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Dec. 31, 2009