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this is the final straw--edited

i found out my husbands 10 year old brother may have molested my son and the 10 year old may be being molested by his mothers boyfreind. my husband and i have been dealing with it very differently. i have called dcf and the police and we have an open investigation right now. however the dcf caseworker said my son could be around his family as long as he is supervised. but i feel that my husband is putting my son in danger by still going to his families house with my son. he says that our son is fine in their presence as long as he is there to watch him closely..i dont agree..however its not even that..we just argue all the time or should i say i am the one yelling becuase he wont talk to me.. i feel betrayed by him, i dont think i will ever look at him the same or forgive him for taking our son back over the mothers boyfriends house after all these facts were reveiled. he says hes moving out and i say good riddins..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Dec. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • If you are uncomfortable with it then you're husband should understand completely. i wouldnt EVER bring my son back to that house..suprivised or not. Emotionally that has got ot be incrediably difficult for your son. So they aren't molesting him, but what about how he feels just being around them? huh? ahh and if ur husbnad is gonna leave u over this, then hunny i would let him go. he sounds like a jerk for not supporting you and doing what is best for YOUR SON. good luck
    SweetPoison

    Answer by SweetPoison at 12:34 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Ok, here's my take: your husband is right in that as long as he is there watching and your son is never out of his sight, he will be fine. HOWEVER, you have made your feelings very clear, and he should respect that. You are worried about your son, and whether he would actually be safe or not is not the issue, it's that you feel uncomfortable with him being around them. There's nothing wrong with that. Your husband is probably trying to keep things cool between you all and the rest of the family, b/c he's a guy and they just don't get that as mothers, we don't really give a crap about anyone else, we just want our kids to be safe and happy. He wants to keep everyone happy, you just care about your son. I'd sit down with him and just tell him that you don't want this to end your marriage, but that he needs to think about how you feel and about how your son feels about this.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:37 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • my son loves going over there so its not him thats being affected right now. he loves playing video games with the 10 year old... he doesnt even know whats going on.. after my son told me what happened we havent talked about it again
    i just called the police
    so really my son doesnt know something is wrong right now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I'm with you, supervised or not why the hell should he have to be around the family when something so horrible happened. IMO there should be counseling etc... before everyone is all together again. Try to see things from your husband's perspective since it is his family I am sure he views it differently. Maybe you can compromise and temporarily not see them until the investigation is closed.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 12:45 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • My question is how does your husband stand to be in the same house with the person who molested his brother who in turn molested his son? Not gonna happen.
    heatheryn

    Answer by heatheryn at 12:46 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • heatheryn
    exactly.. thats how i feel..
    thats why i think its really done between us and we have been through alot
    but i have cursed his ass out so much since all this happened and he has disappointed me so much
    we will never be able to forgive eachother
    and im fine with that becuase i cant call a man like that my husband anyway
    but i hurt for my son becuase he loves his daddy so much
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • some people don't believe that that could happen in their family. my stepdaughter was molested by her uncle and her mom totally didn't believe it. we didn't have proof. so nothing ever happened. i was in disbelief.. i am so sorry you husband isnt on you side on this matter,, I would never talk to that side of the family again if that happened to my child. sad thing is with no proof then you cant do anything and you will never really know if he is alone with the perv or not.. i wish i could help.. i wish things like this didnt happen. good look to you and be strong.. the most important thing is protecting your son.
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 4:22 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Listen to me, i have been in this exact situation before except i was divorced. You and your husband need to get into counseling and so does your son. He is probably feeling like some kind of responsibility to his family and its wierd i know. Just get some counseling. It brings out all kinds of stuff when a family goes throught this including past sexual abuse on your part.
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 7:28 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • thank you all again yes we are starting counseling Thursday actually. i am really happy about that because we were both ready to leave. for real we talked more this weekend and i was able to understand him better and vise versa. my main priority is my sons safety and always will be but i dont want my marriage to end in divorce either.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

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