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Am i being a picky step mum?

I love my partner of 2 years very deeply, he's the love of my life in fact. The trouble is he has a son of 5 who drives me nuts. My son is 6 and is completly different. I know kids are never the same, but i expect levels of discipline, attitude and respect...and i'm not getting them. He takes delight in being naughty, he's rude, nasty, bad tempered, argumentative and doesn't ever shut up!! I never wanted to feel this way, but i'm questioning whether i can stay with his dad, as i can't stand the boy. My partner cannot see the issues. He smiles and says

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Susy01

Asked by Susy01 at 1:56 PM on Dec. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • I think you answered your own question....
    jenree33

    Answer by jenree33 at 1:58 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Has he been to the doc to see if there is something wrong with him? Does he act that way only to you?
    He could possibly have ADD/ADHD, or something else causing his behavior. If he is only like that do you, have you considered talking to his bio mom about it, because is it possible she is talking crap about you? Also, you need to sit your DH down and explain to him how you're feeling because you up and leaving one day without ever talking to him about it is not fair to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • May it is you & not the child. Maybe you want to see all the bad in this child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I agree with anon:58 that you should talk to Dad. Be specific, give instances. Approach it from the angle that you need his help in how to get along better with his son. Ask him to help you figure out what is going on and how to handle it. If this is all he knows, it seems normal to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • If you want to try to make this relationship work, then I would start with a family couselor who specializes in blended families. Working with a neutral third party can make change and compromise easier.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:24 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Sounds like you won't like him no matter how well behaved he is. I would walk away he loves his child and should never have to chose between you the child comes first in situations like this. Since you clearly think your child is perfect and other children are not I would not date anyone with kids from now on. You sould like the problem not the kid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • How would you feel if your man came to you and said "your son is getting on my nerves, he will not listen to me, he is back talking and I can not stand it", maybe he thinks your "stealing his Daddy from him", try to talk to you man as if he were talking to you about yours. Understand this topic is very hard, for both sides. I am not trying to answer your question mean, just think about how you would want him to approach you about it, talk to him and try to resolve it. Sounds like a cry for attantion from his son. Keep an update
    Theone3608

    Answer by Theone3608 at 2:33 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • How long has his parents been separated/divorced? Why do people fail to think of this? When you have kids, divorce messes them up badly than when they act out both parents are standing on the side like idiots scratching their heads wondering what is wrong with little johnny. Well little Johnny is a tad bit frustrated that his whole world just got turned upside down and his sense of family is shattered. Now, i think your husband and his mother has some work to do with this child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I think it is important to go see a private counselor to explore weather or not your feelings toward your step son are reasonable or if perhaps they are just adjustment issues. It is true that every child is different and every parent also has their own ideas about what level of mischief is tolerable. Some parents are more permissive than others. It is not the fault of the child if boundaries have not been set firmly and consistently. I'm not saying it is the fault of his parents. It could also be your step son could be living with something like ADHD or an anxiety disorder which sometimes gets worse when families are newly blended. If I truly loved my husband and respected him...I would be honest. Blending our families was harder than I anticipated and I need some assistance. First a few sessions on my own, then with my husband, and finaly some family therapy. That is if I really wanted my marriage to work.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:49 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I don't know if any of the other stuff is relevant - is it you? is it him? Is there health issues? Is it fruit of the divorce? Whatever. I can tell you this. My brother is a step-father. He had an awful relationship with his step-daughter from date 1 and it has NEVER improved. Today, two years into married life, all three are miserable people. It's a constant battle. SD, who is 12, disrespects my brother. He finds fault with everything she does. The mother sides with her daughter. Now, personally? I think my brother shouldn't have gotten married in the first place and that my SIL is the root of all the issues between brother and step-niece. However, the point of all this is - if it's bad now and SO isn't seeing things as you are...it's not going to get better. Frankly, I think any parent should put their kid before their date. If you and the kid can't get along, then the relationship isn't worth sticking with - for any of you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

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