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Followup from yesterday----new rant, question at the end

So he comes so late after the kids cried----he bought them home again and they were so happy---he is getting married and she (who the kids have never met)want them to spend the night at their apartment----I don't know her, I do not trust his judgement, his last girlfriend has moldy animal feces on her carpet and had no running water---- NOW I AM THE BIG BAD MOMMY THAT SAYS NO ALL THE TIME...THE THING IS WE LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN AND HE DIDN'T SEE THEM SINCE OCTOBER---TILL LAST NIGHT----HE HAS NEVER TOOK THEM OVERNIGHT BEFORE WHY START NOW???? IF HE THINKS WE ARE GOING TO START SHARING CUSTODY THIS LATE IN THE GAME FORGET IT!!! THE KIDS ARE 9 AND 6 YEARS OLD---

WHAT DO I SAY TO HIM???

Answer Question
 
blue_glass_mama

Asked by blue_glass_mama at 3:46 PM on Dec. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,982 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Say they are too little, let them go for a visit,,,,but jeez he can't expect to have them all night when he hasn't seen them for awhile! BTW---is he paying child support? I think new stepmommy might want this to start up so that they can go for joint custody ie,,less support? Hopefully she isn't a witch and will be good to your kiddos, my heart feels for you!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:52 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • There is nothing wrong with you calmly expecting that you will be with them at all times. If he wants to visit - great ! Where shall we all go for an outing?

    A daycare is inspected and licensed by the gov't, but you would never even consider leaving your kids there without a thorough inspection of your own. This is NO different. Just because he is the sperm donor does not mean he has a clue about child safety, or how to keep a child reassured in the middle of the night.

    As for spending the night by themselves with no parent there (and no, he does not count as a parent unless he is an actively-practicing parent) - that's an amazingly uncaring thing for him to ask you to approve.

    You also say no to eating chocolate bars for breakfast, or getting cold & wet outdoors, or watching movies which are bad for them. This is a bad idea. When their dad asks to do something which is a good idea, then you will be GLAD to say yes.
    waldorfmom

    Answer by waldorfmom at 4:07 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I would say no overnight until you have had a chance to check out the place where they will be staying AND meet the new girlfriend. Lay down some rules about things like bed time, routine and allowed treats. (My ex used to try to put my then 4 year old son to bed at 11 pm after video games all day and endless cans of pepsi and pizza. then call me frustrated because he was bouncing off the walls and had wet the bed!) Also I will warn you that I am very familiar with this behavior and that after the new girlfriend smell goes away (kinda like the new car smell lol) he will stop trying to impress her with his kids and stop paying attention to them again. Been traveling down this road for 10 years. I hope I am wrong for your kids sake. My son is now 10 and more jaded than a child should ever be.
    lildudesmomma

    Answer by lildudesmomma at 4:08 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • OP HERE----WELL I TOOK THE HIGH ROAD AND HIT THE ROAD AND TOOK THE KIDS---NO OVERNIGHT WITH HE AND HIS "NEW FRIEND" TODAY!!! LOL

    NOW WHATSHOULD I DO ABOUT TOMARROW CAN'T HIDE FOREVER!!!
    blue_glass_mama

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 9:53 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • It really sounds like he is trying to use the kids to impress his new GF. I would tell him if he wants overnights he needs to be consistent in showing up on time regularly and being responsible while he has the kids. Tell the kids that for right now you don't think it is a good idea for them to spend the night, but MAYBE you will change your mind in the future. My sons exfather (singed off when DS was 13 yo) was horrible at putting DS first and several times I had to be the "bad guy" and say no and that sometimes mommies have to make decisions that kids don't like but it's because we know what is best for them. I would also try to sort of make up for it by doing something out of the ordinary with him.

    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 12:04 AM on Jan. 1, 2010

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