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URRRRRR! Should she keep the car over night?

This a a child that always wants to borrow the car. has no job no insurance and graduated from college a year ago. So now she is asking for the car again and wants to keep the car out all night over night!!! I say no. Husband thinks it is no big deal. 23 years old and doing nothing.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Dec. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • So the issue isn't the car then? If you have a problem with her then let that be known and set your standards; you have a right to demand what you want from your child especially if she still lives at home. Your husbands job is to back you up, your vows are to each other and not your children.

    If you don't want her to borrow your car b/c she is irresponsible then let her know, if you don't want her to borrow the car b/c you just don't like her right now tell her no - its your car right.

    The problem with kids these days is their major sense of entitlement to everything and lack of ethics, maybe giving in to her is enabling her behavior.
    1st_LadyD

    Answer by 1st_LadyD at 5:02 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • She needs to start being responsible for herself. Set time for her to get out. Only let her use the car if she is helping you or going for job interview. You can not support her for the rest of your life. Do not allow her to live life of luxury while she is there. Make her want to get a job and have her own things, car house, etc
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • She's not working and she has a college degree?! IMO, time for some "tough love!" She needs to find a roommate or two to move in and see how the real world operates. As long as you and your husband are providing for her, where's the incentive for her to do or herself?!

    I lived at home for a little over 2 years after graduating from college as well, but I was working TWO full-time jobs (one in my field, and an alternate one in retail so I could get clothes for my primary job really cheap!), and saving 90% of my take home pay so that I could buy my own townhouse (which I did). I also had my own car (a trusty dusty), and was responsible for fuel, maintenance and insurance.

    I never begrudged my parents for being hard on me, it made me a much more responsible person--but then again, NEVER did I feel entitled to anything! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 5:10 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I did not get my own car till I was 21, before that I had to borrow my mom;s car, or sometimes my dad's truck. My parents put the following conditions on borrowing the vehicles:

    #1- pay for my own gas
    #2- keep it clean-- do not leave crap in the car
    #3- have the car back at the designated times--- do NOT be late-- or NO more car!
    #4- be a responsible driver and follow all road rules
    #5- if you get a ticket/fine-- YOU pay for it--- and penalty will be loss of car
    #6- car insurance is a must! I think I had to chip in and help pay for them to cover me on their car ins.

    I do think you need to talk to your hubby and let him know why you don't want your child to borrow the car. I would also tell her that if she wanted to use it, she needs to step up and start proving she is responsible-- get a job, get insurance and then she can borrow the car.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • I would tell her no and to grow up. You guys may have spoiled her to the point she thinks she is owed everything but you can turn it around by using tough love now and not helping her anymore. My kids at 23 were done with school and starting careers some owned their own homes by then. I could not imagine having a child who was lazy and like yours. Hope it gets better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • It's a very big deal. Ask him what happens if she has an accident, her fault or not, gets a ticket, etc. I doubt your insurance company will be very happy about letting her drive the car. Anything that happens will fall on you and your husband's shoulders. This is not a good night to be running around all night anyway.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:31 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • She would not drive my car without insurance.
    momx3gx1b

    Answer by momx3gx1b at 5:34 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • It is really a bigger problem than the car....although allowing her to use it does make it easier for her to continue to do nothing for herself. The question is...why is she willing to live like this in the first place? Do you have any idea? Is this a step-parenting situation by any chance?
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 5:37 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • Yes I am the step parent. Totally spoiled....So I laid down the law and guess what. Now she has a ride and and refuses to pay for gas. Just like I thought!!! I have tried so hard to be kind and they keep pushing me to the edge. Thank you so much for the suggestions ladies. It helped a lot.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

  • See, that'll never happen with my kids. My kids will pay for their own gas, own insurance, and when the time comes their own car. My kids will never get anything handed to them, and never have anything for free. That isn't how the world works, and that's not how our household is going to work either. Everything they want comes at a price, and that's what they'll learn.

    You need to put your foot down and tell her that she doesn't get the car until she can pay for gas and insurance. Give her no privliages until she can get a job and show responsibility. You're enabling her mooching by not expecting her to take responsibility. You're the parent, so do your part and show her she needs to shape up.

    What is she doing as a college graduate with no car of her own and living at home with no job anyway? She needs to start being an adult, since .. get this .. she is one.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 6:51 PM on Dec. 31, 2009

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