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Did I do the right thing in telling him I'm not relying on him for help anymore??

I live in the Northeast with my 18 month old daughter, although my family of origin is in California. I agreed to stay in NY so that my baby's father could be involved with the child's life. He agreed to help me out with going grocery shopping, etc, because I'm not able to drive. It's no biggie in the summer, but in the winter, it's not easy taking a baby out in the frigid cold to get food and diapers.

Well, unfortunately, my daughter's father is a lazy f*ck. He doesn't work, sleeps all day and stays up all night online or with his friends. So when I need help in the daytime, he's "too tired" or "not feeling well". Which translates into me not being able to get to the store, or to other errands because it's just too cold to take the baby on the bus.

I got mad tonight and told him I'd start taking cabs from now on, and that I wouldn't be calling him for help anymore. CONTINUED BELOW!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Jan. 2, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I think you did the right thing to tell him you aren't going to rely on him anymore. Honestly, I don't think you should've been relying on him to begin with. I understand that he agreed to help you, and it was convienent to get help from him. However, when you put yourself at the mercy of someone else you get burned. Now that you know he is unreliable you can start figuring out ways to be self reliant. Maybe there are ways your family could help you. One of your family members might have an extra car laying around that you could use while they're not using it. You could pay for the insurance while you're using it.

    Is it possible for you to move back to where your family is? Then you wouldn't have to worry about winters and you'd have family to help you out with your child. If the Biodad is going to be a deadbeat you don't need him.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:31 AM on Jan. 2, 2010



    It's going to cost me DEARLY to take cabs to my errands, but I'm tired of relying on him.

    Did I do the right thing?

    I'm also going to try to save for my own car (ha ha, don't know how the hell I'm going to afford that! Maybe in 3-5 years????).

    GRRR...I'm so frustrated right now.

    Thank you for listening. Sometimes it helps to just vent a bit. :-)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Can you leave your child with him while you go to the store? He's home so that seems reasonable. That or if you say you are going to leave her home with him he'll jump up and head out to the store for you:)

    Answer by campeno at 12:21 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • i dont think they live together. is there anyone you trust to watch DD while you go shopping? is it the right thing? i dont think it really matters. in a way, he made it so you CANT depend on him so you gotta do what you gotta do. but i gotta ask- how are you paying for the groceries? do you get child support or anything? file for it if you gotta. maybe you can even tell him that if he doesnt start helping out in ways (either doing the shopping or watching her so you can shop), your only option is to move back to CA to get the help that you need/deserve.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 1:20 AM on Jan. 2, 2010