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Why do they do this?

Ok I am a SAHM and therefore we have a tight budget. We can't really afford a babysitter but my inlaws will babysit for free to spend time with my DD. Here is the catch, they will only babysit when it benefits my husband, not if it benefits me. For example I had a party to clean and prep food for which they took part in, and asked if they would watch her. At first they said ok unti they found out my husband was not helping with the party he had to sleep ( he works nights). His mom calls and says she might have to work so she can't well she didn't have to work and I had to chase off a toddler while cooking and cleaning and being quiet. Why is it that they think because I stay at home that I don't deserve a break from constant care giving? Also why is it that only my husband needs rest and help in their minds? I am so annoyed with this it makes me cry. I just need a break, and would also like to be able todo stuff wDH

 
truealaskanmom

Asked by truealaskanmom at 5:12 AM on Jan. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,701 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Sucks hunny, but sounds like you've got a good dh! Have him talk to them, they're not gonna listen to you. Have him tell them how hurtful this is to him, you are his wife & they should help support you. He knows his parents, he knows what to say to get them to @ least listen. Expect their behavior is going to continue, if they don't like you they're not gonna wanna help. Have you tried to find moms in your area thru cafe mom? I've met a couple of cool moms in my area & done playdates. This is all overwhelming even more so bc of your morning sickness (been there, puked everyday for 9 mo) so you feel like you actually need the help now. I had to just stop talking to my MIL @ the end of my pregnancy cuz she was stressing me out!!! Hang in there, focus on one day @ a time & think about the little bundle of joy that's coming. Have you thought about getting a babysitter to watch dd while you're there? Extra pair of hands
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:46 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • because your DH is their child. you'd do anything for your baby girl right? thats their thinking, but for their babyboy. plus MIL might be a little mad/jealous that her job has been taken over by you (which is a good thing, but some moms cant grasp that). next time, i say tell your DH to ask and let him handle it. that way they WILL watch her and you can prep/rest up all you need. if not, maybe make a few new friends so when you need a break, your friends can watch DD. (let set up playdates, get to know them, etc, and eventually exchange free babysitting back and forth. make sense?)
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 5:26 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • It does make sense. I live in a place where making friends is almost impossible. Oh my Dh is the one who asks but once they figure out it is a day he sleeps they find a reason not to. They have also made comments about me being mean because I expect him to help with things around the house. They don't like that I stay at home so don't want to give me any help at all. Like today they asked if my DH wanted them to take my DD because he had to work tonight and he was up late and went out hunting with his dad. They figured that if she was here I would make him help take care of her, instead of letting him take a nap before work. They pretty much think I am mean and horrible and don't want my life to be easy at all. BTW I have no friends I moved here to be with him and I have no family even close. It is just an upsetting situation to me.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 5:32 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • BTW I am also pregnant with our second child and have been crippled with morning sickness.

    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 5:34 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I'm sorry you are struggling with in-laws. At least you get them to take her sometimes. My parents or my in-laws never take my kids. iImean NEVER!!! My parents "don't do kids" and my in-laws are nuts. DH and i were having couple time during the day when the kids were at school on days off but now we are homeschooling our 5th grader so he never leaves, & has few friends friends he still socializes with....Wish we were close by cuz maybe my homeschooler could come over and play with your daughter/take her on a walk etc...to keep her busy so you could finish up some projects
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 5:53 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • well what I do is say "hun I really need to blah blah blah" what ever your excuse is and ask him to watch. he says ok that he will. watched DS for like 5 minutes then takes him to his mom. Thats what happened when my dad watched me too when i was a baby. just do that, they're not going to say no to their DS and I highly doubt he'll really watch the kids when he's tired when he could just take them over to his parents.
    Hali_Taylor

    Answer by Hali_Taylor at 6:09 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • wouldn't that be great.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:10 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • A lot of the problem is that I don't get time with DH he works weird days. He will watch on his days off, and had for a few hours when he should sleep. We have just decided that they don't get her when they want her if they can't help take her when we need them too. My DH was pissed about the 'I might have to work reason" but he was sleeping when she called and gave it to me and she new that was going to be the case because he would have called her on it. THey just don't like me and I guess I need to get used to being with my DD 24/7. I love her but I want to get away from her sometimes, I like speaking like an adult, I find myself saying yuck yuck, and things like that in everyday conversation and it is a little embarassing.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 6:14 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • That's good. Don't let them see their grandchild because they don't babysit when you want them to. I have a grandchild I NEVER (it's been 15 months) see because one time his mother (my son's ex, he lives in another state) called and asked me to baby-sit. I was out at the time and couldn't. She seriously expected me to come home because she called. She wanted to go shopping and while she could take her other 2 sons (not my grandsons) she couldn't take my grandson because he's special needs and at the time was hard to care for in public places (not sure how he is now since I haven't seen him since he was just a few mos. past 2 and he's now 3 1/2). She was so mad that she decided that if we couldn't babysit when she asked then we didn't get to see him when we wanted. That was the ONLY time in 2 years I said no and 9 out of 10 times the only way I DID see him was when I babysat. Great to have conditions, WTG!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Do you have a friend who you can trade child care with?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:43 AM on Jan. 2, 2010

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