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How to help 16 year old son during first heartbreak?

My son has been with his first girlfriend for 16 months, and she's telling him she needs space.
Nick wears his heart on his sleeve and has been bawling for the last 48 hours. This is his first *love* and of course he thinks he'll never find another girl or even get over her.
He'll phone me from his friends or where ever he is, and just says "I need help" and "I can't do this" and starts bawling.
I hold him and let him cry and try to say things that will make it easier but all of know that doesn't help.

Advice?

Answer Question
 
mrsvixen

Asked by mrsvixen at 7:21 PM on Jan. 2, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 13 (1,145 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I say what you are doing is wonderful, I wish somebody had been there like that for me when I was heartbroken. Help him cry it out, and do something special with him just you and him. Bake cookies together like you would if he was little, read him a book, take him shopping, go to a movie together etc. As long as you show him that no matter what she did to him he is always loved by you he will make it out fine. Good luck and give him a squeeze for me poor kid.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:25 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • It's like a baby chick struggling to get out of his shell. He has to do it himself. You can only be there for moral support so he will survive. This is how we learn coping skills. I know it isn't easy. I had a grandson threaten to kill himself over his gf of 2 yrs dumping him. I told him that was an option but I think that we can think of other options we like better. So we sat down and just started talking. The important part there is that I validated his feelings of despair but convinced him there are other things beside the ultimate in extreme behavior. During our talk I told him about his dad (my son) being a babe magnet (not totally accurate but he used to act like he was) and that it's just natural that women are drawn to him (his dad) and that it's probably true of my grandson as well. Then he started thinking of girls who have tried talking to him but he ignored them over her. Hope sprang out of that and he was fine.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:35 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I dont have much advice but I do have ONE piece that I wish I could have done when my first love dumped me. Let him talk about it whenever and however long he wants.
    nsrush83

    Answer by nsrush83 at 7:52 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I agree with th first poster. I wish my mom had been more understanding when I went through my first breakup. Parents are usually so quick to tell you to get over it, your young etc.... I would just keep doing what you are doing!
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 8:18 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Our oldest went through a horrible break up a few years back. All you can do is offer moral support. Hold him when he cries, listen to him and validate his feelings. Maybe tell him some of your experiences too.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 8:23 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • You are doing awesome. I am wating for the day that it happens to my son, he has been with his GF for just over a year now and I am waiting. I guess all we can do is be there for them.
    dillonsma

    Answer by dillonsma at 8:23 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • You are being a wonderful mom being there for him let this. Hold him when he crys like you are. , allow him to talk it out. Try to get him to do new things other then the things he did with her so he can started to have new menorys.
    Alieda

    Answer by Alieda at 9:02 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • What you are doing is great, that is pretty much all you can do. These are life's lessons that will eventually make him stronger and wiser, but I know all too well, we suffer and hurt right along with them, it shall pass! Life will be good again for him and he will get that twinkle in his eye once again, hang in there mom, you are great!
    older

    Answer by older at 10:02 AM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • I just went through the same thing with my 16 yo dd. It was not fun. But do what your doing. Let him cry, talk, what ever he needs. I tried to not ask too many questions, but was always there to answer hers. It took awhile for my dd to figure out that I knew what she was going through. I have a feeling that your son as well as my dd will go through this again. Hopefully they will both be better equipped next time. By the time the next girl starts calling he'll see that there may be more than one person out there for him. Just keep doing what you are doing, just be there. After all it's what we do!!
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 1:01 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • You or your husband needs to take him running, mountain biking, surfing, rock climbing, kayaking, etc.... what ever sports your family enjoys. He needs to use every amount of energy he has....... then when you are far away from home and he is tired - talk. Tell him how you know what he is feeling, how it will get better, all those parentie things. Then have a good snack and run, bike, surf, climb, etc back home.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

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