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Hey i just found my birth mom and i havent seen her since i was at least 1 yrs. old and my hubby thinks its pretty crazy that i want to met her. and he made a comment that i already had a family . i shouldnt be that interested in this .he said she gave me up and he is not to happpy with her and he doesnt even know her and im still wanting to meet her , but all in all im pretty hurt by what he said to to me .

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Asked by jessyka795 at 7:34 PM on Jan. 2, 2010 in Adoption

Level 4 (49 Credits)
Answers (26)
  • You should be comfortable with whatever you do. I have a feeling he is trying to protect you from being upset which is normal for a man. Since there are a lot of genetic or inherited conditions, it is probably better not to be in the dark regarding your family medical history which could not be provided probably. He probably does not realize all the questions you have from being adopted and the reasons for it happening to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:38 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I think your hubby is a jerk. If anything, he should be supporting your decsion without his rude remarks.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Ok, I'm not an adoptee or an adopter, but I think you need to consider looking at this another way. He loves you and is trying to protect you. He might not be able to understand how someone could give up a child and doesn't want to see you hurt. Accept his support and be sympathetic to that. Even though this is about you, it's not only about just you. Your adoptive parents and their gift to you of family is important and must be considered. Your husband and his love for you and wanting nothing to happen to you is important. You need to make them understand. Include them by recognizing their feelings and valid. Make sure they know you need them to be there with you. And that no matter what, you are theirs. I have friends who have been adopted. We talked about this and this was how they handled the "new" family issues.

    Answer by jesse123456 at 7:40 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • ***feelings as valid***

    Answer by jesse123456 at 7:41 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • He's certainly not being supportive of your decision but then again maybe he's afraid you will get hurt. Do what you think is right. My dd gave up her dd a few years ago. Other people should never judge why a woman does something like that. Personally, I think they love the child so much that they want a good life for them and it's possible at that time the birth mother can't provide that.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:41 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • im sorry but i agree with him. i would still want to meet her if i was you, just to know what she was like .. but i wouldnt give a shit about building a relationship with her.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 7:46 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Well thank god its not YOUR choice PURPLE

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I'm sorry that he said that to you. I have too meet my birthmother. We meet in 2002 and talk every week or more. Yes I do have a family and having her in my life will never change that and she knows that. You need to do what you want. It was nice to talk to her and find out why she gave me up. Everyone is not because of it being a bad parent. Talking with my birth mother it was the hardest thing for her to do but she also new it was the best thing at the time.

    Keep talking to your hubby. Help him understand that it is a part of your life you want to know and that no means do you want it to take away from your family.

    I quess I really don't have any wise words to say. But I have had others say that and not understand.

    Answer by Raeann11 at 7:52 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • i havent read the other replie. but from experience...i wouldnt do it. i met my bio dad a couple yrs ago (he gave me up when i was 1) and i havent seen or heard from him in 20 years. then i have my daughter and he shows up. i have known about him all my life, and i wanted to meet him, but ever since i have...its been so hard. i have my own family, and he has his own family (he adoped a kid and had onw of his own) and i simply dont fit in. its hard on our relationship because he remembers when i was crawling and nothing past. Obviously, i have come a long way since then and hes missed out on everything. it takes 2 to form a relationship, and if she wasnt interested then, she might not be interested now. it will save u a lot of pain to just paint mental pictures in you head and tell yourself what you want to hear. sometimes the truth hurts :(

    Answer by mrsjosey1018200 at 8:23 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • i understand wanting to meet her, i thin ki would too, but i understand him being protective and im sure he was not rying to hurt you.
    good luck

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 9:16 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

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