Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why do divorced women feel they have more of a right to the children?

After reading numerous posts, and living with my lovely who has had to fight tooth and nail, bending over backwards to accommodate his ex in order to spend time with his children- the question arises.

Why do you think that it in ANY way benefits the children to be petty and refuse visitation to a father who WANTS to see his children?

It is ridiculously small and petty of an individual to put children in the middle of a marital/ex-marital dispute, or use them to gain leverage. ESPECIALLY when the father is not only able, but willing and eager to participate in the life of their child.

Not all children are so lucky as to have two parents that WANT to love and care for them.

Answer Question
 
ObbyDobbie

Asked by ObbyDobbie at 8:27 PM on Jan. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 34 (70,074 Credits)
Answers (36)
  • I agree but my x never wanted to spend time with our kids. He wanted to come back and have sex with me (the jerk) and if he saw the kids so be it but he never cared about them. Sad. They worshiped him back then. They are adults now and hate him. Everyone lost on that one
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:29 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I agree with you, I think that women that do this are mean. They are using the children as a form of punishment for the relationship not going the way it was supposed to and that is not right at all. Being a good husband doesn't mean they aren't good fathers. It is childish to keep fathers from their kids just because you are hurt and angry. People need to grow up and do the right thing.
    truealaskanmom

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 8:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • As long as he can support his children physically, emotionally, and financially, I agree.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 8:32 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • each persons situation is different. Have you listened to both sides of their story, or just his? Long ago my Mom had an affair and my father completely blamed her. Come to find out he had an affair many times before she did. I did not find this out till I was grown. I listened only to his side of the story and blamed her for years. What I am saying is there is two sides to a story and I can bet he is at fault somewhere, even if it is only a small amount.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • As long as he is financaily taking care of the kids I have know problem with the ex having visitation.
    If they do not pay child support, then I have a problem.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:36 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • As long as he is stable and not a jerk then it would benefit the biological Mom to have him in the childrens lives. Tell him to keep trying and get back to court to get better custody arrangements.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 8:36 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • My husbands ex has tried everything, including lying in court to spite my husband for moving on. The really bad part is that he was the primary caretaker of the children and she took them from the state without his knowledge knowing that was the only thing he cared about. After he found them through an investigator he still wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and didn't want to take the children from her thinking she would change her ways because he could have screwed her in the worst way. That was just when we were dating, after marriage and a child of our own she has gone into hate overdrive and the children, all of them are the losers. Our son doesn't understand why his brother and sister have to leave for so long. My husband had to carry my step daughter onto the plane last visit because she was screaming and clawing to stay. It really sucks, if he were a deadbeat it would be easier for us but that's not him
    1st_LadyD

    Answer by 1st_LadyD at 8:40 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Anon 8:43- I know quite well what the reality of the situation is, from both sides. Infidelity was not the issue, mental illness was (and has been well documented since her childhood). In all reality, he may have to take custody of them in the next couple of years if she deteriorates any further. As of now, he has OFFERED (not agreed, offered) to pay off her loans, her car, and upped her child support (which has been voluntary since the day she left- was not court ordered) so that she will have more spending money after child care. He drives 4 hours every 2 weeks to spend the weekend with them, and she refuses to allow him the court ordered time he is permitted. we suspect neglect, based on the condition of the children when he gets them- and they have begun to have random injuries since she moved in with her BF (and still lies about it).

    But somehow SHE has more of a right to them... its so sad.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:47 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Some women do use the kids against their ex, but it does work both ways. It just seems like there's always someone taking advantage or manipulating, it's easy to use the kids because good people really care and manipulators know it's an easy way to hurt someone.
    camiam81

    Answer by camiam81 at 8:51 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I find it disgusting that women equate money to the right to visitation- a man should not have to PAY to spend time with his children. if he is a douche, the kids need to learn that by his actions, not your reaction to them.

    my ex is a deadbeat, he is an abuser, and a drug user, and he is LEGALLY entitled to supervised visits. no matter now much I dislike him, what he did to me, the HELL that he put me through... he is their father, and they have the right to know him. to form their own opinions and their own relationship. How I feel should have no bearing on visitation, especially if it is court ordered.

    as for women denying visitation based on an ex being early or late, I hope they press charges- In most states they can, because like it or not they have rights as their father, and you need to learn it the hard way.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:52 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN