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Do people who give their babies up for adoption really are selfless?

I am tired of hearing "Oh, what a selfless act" Do you know what is like being an adoptee and having your 'parents', the ones that are supposed to love you, throw you away like you are nothing? I honestly do not believe that ALL birth parents did so out of selflessness. Some, out of selfishness. Some are ready to lie down and have sex, but not the consequences of that action. In fact, most of the ones who claim giving your baby away is "selfless" are usually those who wish to adopt or who support adoption.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:32 PM on Jan. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (39)
  • Not all birthmothers are selfish. I know some who will admit..they just don't want a baby at the moment. I think that if you are ready for sex without the use of birth control (not counting the FEW times it fails or rape) then you should be prepared for the responsibility of a baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 AM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • No, I don't think birth mothers are selfless.

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 10:35 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • i posted something like this not too long ago. i completely agree.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Wow, that's some serious anger you're spewing. I can't speak for everyone who has adopted out their children. I can only speak for my experience with my dd. She and her long time bf couldn't provide for their child so they gave her up in an open adoption. These are not irresponsible teens, they are adults who got pregnant and chose not to abort but to give some wonderful couple a child to love. They both love their child and gave her a chance at a good life. I am sure many others care about the child they have given up. I know there may be some who merely discard the responsibility of a child but even that may be a blessing to the child. If there are parents out there who do not want their child then they may not be the best parents for them anyway. Surely there can be an agreement that adoption is better for these babies than a more terminal end.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:40 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I guess it depends on the case... at least they didnt abort i guess.. altho im not against that either.

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 10:41 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • Honestly, as an adoptive parent I'm on the fence with this one.. I think that a child should remain with their biological family unless absolutely necessary. I think adoption should be a last option as many women are coerced into placing.
    I do know that it takes a toll on the biological family and the adoptee.. a HUGE toll. The loss is incredible for both parties.

    We adopted internationally and not domestically, so I have to accept that my daughter's first mom had no options but to leave her somewhere to be found and I cannot imagine what that act has cost her in the past 4 years. She lives in a country that makes it very difficult to "buck the system". China is not a forgiving country to its people in many regards.

    I don't really know how I feel about that statement....sigh..

    Answer by mcginnisc at 10:46 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I believe that adoption is a selfless act in most circumstances....keeping a baby you can't afford is the selfish thing to do, IMO.

    So far as,  "most of the ones who claim giving your baby away is "selfless" are usually those who wish to adopt or who support adoption."

    Well...doesn't that make sense? BTW I've never met anyone who doesn't support adoption...I mean, what are the alternatives? I suppose you could kill your baby in utero...or neglect it or abuse it because you felt you weren't ready but kept it anyway.


    Answer by Mrs.Mack. at 10:47 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • I imagine that it DOES hurt to know that your bio-parents "gave" you away. However, I came from a very abusive and negligent set of parents and I KNOW that those emotional scars hurt too...sometimes I wish I'd been given up for adoption....I could've been loved as a child....THAT'S really all that matters after all...being loved, I mean. At least your bio-parents realized they couldn't give you the love you deserved. Parents who are willing to pay tens of thousands of dollars just to have a baby are less likely to take it for granted.

    Answer by Mrs.Mack. at 10:47 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • The birth mother loved the child enough not to abort it!
    It takes alot to carry a child for 9mo, go through morning sickness, lose the "tight body", have everyone around you SEE YOUR PREGNANT and then go through labor... Yes I believe it takes alot of love to know you cannot care for a child & so you give it up for adoption.

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 11:05 PM on Jan. 2, 2010

  • also IMO (as hard as it is) a child should always remember they where CHOSEN! adoption is not easy, or cheap.. When your adopted you are 110% wanted!

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 11:08 PM on Jan. 2, 2010