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Am I a bad mother?

My DS 16 has always had a hard time getting up in the morning. To the point of argument. I stopped that long ago. If he does not get up its his problem. He has been at his dads for winter break and supposed to come home today. He calls me and tells me that he needs to go on home studies because he has insomnia and cant get up in the morning. I told him that he sleeps just fine as i know he does I check. Insomniacs cant sleep at all or very little. I told him that while living in my house you must get up and go to school or work. He then hung up on my called me back and said that he is going to live at his dad's because he will let him go on home studies. We have been to counseling , had all medical tests and nothing is wrong with him. He is just working us and his dad is letting him. I am so tired of the fight so I told the ex you Handel it. Am I a bad mother????

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Jan. 3, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (17)
  • No, you did the right thing. He's old enough to know better. My only worry is that if he starts home studies and doesn't focus he'll fall behind or not graduate or something if Dad isn't on his butt. Seriously, what more can you do? You try and try and if your ex won't parent with you then let him deal with all the problem that comes with it. Take a break, you're a good mom. Kids are their own people and you cannot "make" them do much at that age.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:06 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Nope, you've done tons to try and help him and to try and figure out what's going on with him. If you're ok with him staying with dad then let dad try to handle it. He'll hopefully figure out pretty quickly that DS is playing him. Then he'll maybe back you up instead of bein a turd and trying to be the "favorite" parent.

    I wish you luck Momma....I dread the teenage years with my wee ones....ugh...such an ugly time!

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 9:07 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Your son is going to end up quitting school and most likely not amounting to anything. You should have put your foot down him him and your ex.

    And if his school is actually going to allow him to do home studying, they are to blame as well.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 9:07 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • While I feel that you shouldnt just give up the fight, I do feel your pain. I would contact his school and let them know that you do not want him going on home study and that you want their help in holding him responsible for his actions. I know most school districts will not allow home study unless there is a drs excuse for why they need home study and if youve had tests done and there is nothing wrong with him it is highly unlikely they would give him the needed excuse. Stay strong mama.

    Answer by Trotterswife at 9:08 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • well im 19 and fought through this when I was in high school it sounds like you arent taking it seriously. i give oyu all props bc your just trying to do your best to help him throughout school. but if he has same symptoms i couldnt get up in morning i felt so sick but after i got up washed my face got to school i would be fine but some days i was so tired i would fall asleep in class i was the tytpe to get all as and bs so not bad . but alsowhen i got home from school al i wanted to do was take a nap bc i felt so tired and sick, we still dont know what it was but i kept going to doctor and got a cat scan everything bc i also had bad headaches . also my doctor actually told me to buy the flinestones vitamins and B12 tablets that are dissovable. for vitamins dont get gummy get the chewable. hopei helped

    Answer by Armywifelovely at 9:13 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • My mom wouldn't stand for that with my brother. He slept in once and missed school she let it slide once and when he did it again she punished him to the fullest extent of her law! LOL. I mean all the yard work all the house work and everything and he was supposed to work his job too. I helped him out cuz I felt sorry for him. She also gave him a very strict bed time. I never had this trouble, but my brother did. YOu've got to put your foot down hard!

    Answer by lowencope at 9:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • The school is only obligated to send out a teacher for a maximum of 5 hours per week for a homebound student, so don't expect your DS to graduate and don't expect him to amount to a hill of beans.

    If your DS doesn't have any learning disabilities and his only problem is a desire to sleep in, then military school may be a good option for him & you. Yeah, he'll hate you for it, but in the long run he may actually amount to something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • He needs a regular schedule. In bed by 9 every night and up at 6. EVERYDAY!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Well he's not going to graduate anyways if you have stopped fighting him and let him stay in bed. If you and your husband are not able to effectively parent him, its time to hand him over to someone who can. A residential school sounds like it might be just what he needs. I see his dad's plan to be about equal with yours and neither are going to help him become a sucessful member of society

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Really, I have never understood this approach to parenting. My sons (ages 23, 22, 19 and 18) all had friends who had parents who just stopped waking them up, said it wasn't their problem if their teen got up or not. EVERY SIGNLE ONE of those kids, EVERY SINGLE ONE, ended up droppingg out of school as soon as they could. Mine, however, were woken up every morning by their dad (who gets up at the same time) and they left for school on time. They all graduated, went off to college for 2 and the military for 2 and guess what???? They didn't have ANY problems waking themselves up when they had to do it on their own. We didn't screw them for life by making sure they were up and out the door EVERY DAY. You are the parent, get in there and get his lazy butt out of bed, make him go to sleep at a reasonable time and be the parent!

    My answer to your question is...YES!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

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