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has anyone's spouse completely changed after going to combat? I have 6 kids & after being deployed in Iraq, my husband told me the man I married died in Iraq and he wants a divorce. I am heartbroken.

PTSD or mid-life crisis? Life after combat

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Jan. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • OMG....I am so sorry I woulkd be heart broken too. I have no personal advice but a man down the road was in Iraq and his mom said he changed alot and he ended up killing his GF daughter. Everyone that knew him from before said this is not him. I was just so puzzled and cried for that 2 yr old:(

    Answer by hill2 at 11:13 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • there is no life after combat. I'm sorry honey. give the man what he wants.


    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 11:14 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • That is PTSD and he needs help. Be very careful with him though he can snap for no reason at all. You can get ahold of his first sgt or first shirt and tell them you are concerned that he has PTSD and are having problems. They can get him the help he needs. He could go off and hurt you or your kids or somebody else. This is a scary situation to be in, please get him help right away.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 11:15 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Yes, it does something to them. I can't speak for all of them, but I have seen this happen..My best friend's hubby went to Iraq three times. Everytime he came back he was really agressive, physical, cheating, and already had his new wife picked out before they got divorced. He still stalks her. Also I know someone else who went back there a few times and no one can stand being around her. She's agressive, argumenative, manipulative and enjoys picking fights more and more. Just plain mean. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to help or I could understand how you were feeling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • I am so sorry!!!! I know men do come back different depending on experience and circumstances. I could give you a list of scenarios but I don't want to be wrong in any way! What I would suggest you do is ask your dh to take some time to think about this. Let him know how you feel and about what. Let him know that you expect some sort of change but still want to be there just as you were before he left. Maybe he saw that movie "Brothers" and it has him worried!? Give him some space. Don't show how much you're hurt but let him know without being pushy or needy! Perhaps he wants a break!? I mean think about if you were the one over in Iraq fighting and then comming home to six kids; but don't look at it from a mom or womens standpoint but instead of how men tend to be and think. He might be afraid of hurting you in some way??? The only way you will find out is if you ask, but understandingly not accusitory or demandingly! GL & BW

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 11:20 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Get him some sort of help right away. If he's not willing to get help, get yourself and your kids away from him until he does get help. PTSD causes people to do things that are not rational, normal or safe.

    I wish you luck momma...I am sorry you have to go through this. Make sure you look after yourself as well. xoxo

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 11:23 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Why would you try telling him to thimk it over. He's obviously not rational. Trying to compare what she is going through with a movie? You really think that a movie would make him leave his wife and kids? Talkin may set him off. Get away from him, get help like the other women are speaking of. Don't try to figure it all out right now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • group hugI live in a military community and hear this story a lot. I don't have answers but will send a hug.


    Answer by admckenzie at 11:36 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • This happens alot, they got resources for them but sadly the problem is they don't know how or where to get the help, perhaps you should contact his c/o and get together with his parents/family see if you can persuade him to get help, depression and pts is not good for anyone

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

  • Oh hon, I'm so sorry...I hope that you will get counseling and take care of yourself. I think this often happens to families. {{{HUGS}}}

    Answer by zmommyone at 11:46 PM on Jan. 3, 2010

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