Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

advice for my sister.. wedding problems

Ok my sister just got engaged about 6 months ago to a wonderful guy and we are planning her wedding and also deciding who is going to walk her down the aisle when it comes time.

My father abused both me and my sister very badly yet as soon as we moved out hes changed. She doesnt want him walking her down the aisle but our family thinks since he has changed he should be given a chance.

I dont agree with my family at all and agree with my sister because 16 years of abuse cant be erased in 2 years.

What should she do.. she doesnt want family tension at the wedding.

Answer Question

Asked by Merediths_Mommy at 7:21 AM on Jan. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (15 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Well this is what I say. She is going to have enough stress wedding involved. She should be able to do whatever makes her the most comfortable. If she doesn't want him to walk her that is her decision and as her sister it is now your job to tell your family her mind is made up and they are not to say anything about it to her. This is her wedding not theirs. They need to be reminded of that. My own mother didn't even come to my wedding and you know what I still ended up married to an amazing man at the end of the day. Tell you family "IT IS HER WEDDING NOW SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE IT ALONE!" If they won't leave it alone you both have to ignore them just like you do with naughty children. Don't give attention to their bad behavior. Good luck and tell her congrats.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 7:26 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I suggest that she walk down the aisle on her own. The part about who gives this woman can be omitted.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:37 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Well I don't think anyone should pressure her on who should walk her down the isle and try to make her feel guilty about her decision either. It's up to her, and your family should be understanding about it and let it go.

    Do you ladies have a brother, uncle or even maybe a good friend to walk her down the isle?


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I think she should walk herself down the aisle. She alone is getting married, it's her day - if she isn't comfortable with your father (rightfully so, regardless of how much he's changed) doing it she shouldn't have to. If he has truly changed, he should understand that.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:09 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I had my grandfather walk me down the aisle. It just made sense to me that the patriarch of the family would do the honor. My dad wasn't thrilled but he accepted my reasoning.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:25 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I dont think anyone she doesnt want should walk her down the isle.. Why upset her on her special day? Do you have brothers or a very close family member not in the wedding she would like to walk her down the isle? I mean no one has to walk her down, but if she would like someone to there are other people she could pick.. a sister, brother, her mother? but people who are giving her a hard time are being very selfish and need to realise how much he affected her life and those things just dont go away just because someone changed.

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 8:25 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • It's her wedding - her choice. She needs to be comfortable and know that this day will be a happy one that she can look back on and remember for the rest of her life. I think she should walk down the aisle on her own, but it's really up to her.

    Answer by missanc at 9:08 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Since I just got married I know how she feels. I had family drama(divorced grandparents) and I was horribly upset at the rehearsal. but at the end of the day I got what I wanted on my big day and I would not change me getting what I wanted for the world. This is a day that she will remember for ever. If she does not want her dad to walk her down then flat out say no and tell everyone else to shut up. It is her day and her choice. Good Luck

    Answer by SuzanneL09 at 9:45 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • i had the same problem. I just got married last april. I've always had problems with my dad but i didnt want to leave him out and have a heavy heart about it later down the road in my life. My papaw has always been more of a father figure to me so what i did is i had my papaw walk me from the main house to the ceremony and place my hand in my fathers hand and my father walked me down the meant alot to me that my papaw was involved (i wouldve rather had him than my father but i didnt want any tension) it was really beautiful. I hope this helps..maybe she could do something similar

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:05 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • She is a grown up and has to do what she is comfortable with. She is not a little girl and should not let family dictate what she does. Sadly if she takes a stand many might not show up. Happened at my wedding I did not allow my dad to walk me down the aisle. He abused me my whole life my siblings, mom, grandparents, aunt, uncles, cousins and other family did not come to my wedding. It was hurtful but helped me realize that family is not necessarily those we are blood related to. I had a great family made up of my husbands family and friends who really loved me. My wedding was great and tension free and I have no regrets. Have no spoken to my family in 10 years and will not after what they pulled so she needs to be prepared.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.