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My dd wants to know why we can't talk about S-E-X...

My dd is 9 and a half. While we were taking the Christmas tree down she blurts out,How come we can't talk about you,know,S-E-X? I told her that she and I could talk about it but privately. She did not say anything else. We have never really talked about it. I have talked about the menstral cycle w/her and what will happen to her body and such. We did not get into the"love making" "sex talk" though. How have you Moms that have already done it go about it anyway? I am pretty conservitive.. Advice Please.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Jan. 4, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • You need to, even if you are a bit uncomfortable. I'm sure you would rather her get the right information at home, from you, then from kids at school that don't necessarily have the right info. I mean, oral sex is popular with teenagers because it doesn't result in pregnancy, same with anal. I watched a Dr. Phil show about it, and it's scary. Teens have sex at school, at school dances! If your dd is showing interest in having the 'talk' you need to have it.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:37 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • All I know is that my mom told me everything I needed to know from a young age. I wrote an article about it in Associated Content. The basic gyst of my article is to act natural about it and give the facts in a very matter of face/ non-embarrassing kind of way. She wants to know and deserves the answers. Just tell her how it happens and don't act like its a big deal or she'll think its a big deal. Also be sure to educate her about safe sex practices and give her all the horror stories about pregnancy and STD's.


    Answer by lowencope at 9:38 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I meant to say matter of fact not matter of face***

    Answer by lowencope at 9:39 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Your daughter is figurativley screaming at you to talk to her about it. If you don't she will find someone who will. It is a great time to start talking about emotions, and feeling and self control. Keep that door open now or she will slam it shut and you won't ever get back in. Talking with our kids about sex isn't exactly on our top 10 list of things we'd love to do, but it is important, even if you are uncomfortable. Find a book if you need to. Something she can refer back to after you have talked.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:41 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • The fact that she is asking why your not talking about it is a dign she is ready for some answers, sit down and ask her what questions she has and go from there, I always start off by answering their questions first, normally it leads to more questions and thats fine. With my kids I can tell when they have been given enough information to process for the time being. Just be open with her and honest, keep it age appropriate and keep in mind that this isnt a one time discussion, it is a on going discussion that will keep going for years. Establish with her now that you are someone she can come to and you wont judge her and that you will be honest with her.

    My mom told me when i went through this that I needed to be careful not to pass my own insecurities on to my own children, that is what her mom did to her and my mom tried hard to not do it with us. She didnt want us to feel it was dirty like her mom did with her.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 9:43 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • You just have to bite the bullet and be honest don't downplay anything of gloss over it. The more they learn from you the less they will try to find out from somebody else. Tell her everything and answer all of her questions and don't make her think it is an embarassing topic to talk about with you. If she trusts you on this issue you are less likely to have a pregnant 16 year old later. Just be honest tell her about why you are conservative. I know with my dd I am going to tell her the truth about the fact I was a stupid teenager once and about how sex affects you in a horrible way if you are not ready for it. Just be honest and open you have to put the weirdness aside. Good luck.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 9:44 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • My mom got us all great books that were age appropriate and sat down and read them with us. We got medical texts too with photos and diagrams. I plan to start at age 8 because it worked so well with me and my siblings.

    Amazon has tons of books with reviews from parents who have used them.

    Answer by ecodani at 9:45 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I am with your daughter on this. Why can't you discuss sexuality in the open? When you whisper and hide it, you are giving it too much power and only peaking your child's interest.

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:51 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • they these webites:
    how about a book? The Secret Lives of Teen Girls: What Your Mother Wouldn't Talk about but Your Daughter Needs to Know
    I know and seen books about mothers and daughter's about sex and growing. You should go to your local library or book store and look for these books. When you talk with your daughter take her out and do it, so it's uncomfortable for both of you. Being home is a comfort zone and you want to express to your daughter that asking and learning about this information is comfortable for you and for her to listen.

    Answer by happynewyorker at 10:27 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I like the idea of the medical texts. I want my dd to be armed w/facts and the correct information. I think that the reason she asked me why we can't talk about may be more that it's not exactly something that she hears my dh and I "talking about" around her and my ds.
    My dd still thinks that passing gas is the funniest thing ever. She is a bit immature emotionally so,that is why I have held off a bit. I have had to go w/my mommy instincts here,KWIM? I do think that it's getting to be time for the talk though and I just wanted some advice~not be bashed for wanting to do the right thing at the right time:) Everyone is intilted to their own ideas about how to go at this and mine is more on the conservitive side,I have looked at some book at the book store. I saw one that even gave the slng names for male sex parts~thats NOT where I want to go w/this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jan. 4, 2010

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