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Should we be TTC?

My dh and I have been married for just over a year and TTC for the last 9 months, but I am starting to have 2nd thoughts about TTC, not that I don't want a baby, I want to be a mother more than anything, I am crying as i type this! But it has recently become obvious to me that dh has a drinking prob, he doesn't drink often but if he has 2 drinks its like he cann't stop and he does stupid things when he is drunk, New Years he drove when I begged him not to cuz he couldn't walk straight, I didn't get in the car w/ him so I wasn't in danger but I don't want to wind up a single mom, and more importantly I don't want my future kids to loose 1 or both parents so foolishly. I am starting to feel like this may be a really bad situation to bring a child into, and the thought of going back on the pill long term or perm is killing me. Please don't bash I really need honest outside opinions.

 
txgrl4lf

Asked by txgrl4lf at 4:05 PM on Jan. 4, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 6 (132 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Sweetie I think maybe you should sit down with him and talk to him about drinking and driving! It is not only dangerous for him but inocent people and children on the road! Thats the first thig you need to think about! My friends dad died from drinking and driving and also killed 2 kids! Thats not something he wants to live with! Second I dont think you guys need to be TTC until you get things straightend out with him, like you said you dont want to be a single mom! And I also dont think its a good time to bring a child into that situation..... Good luck girl and talk to him about the drinking!
    heatherjenea

    Answer by heatherjenea at 4:11 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I will tell you what I would tell my DD. If you are having second thoughts about having kids with him because of his drinking problem. You should be having second thoughts of being with him at all(leave him) because of his drinking problem.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Honestly, go with your instincts. I know it's hard. But it's better to see the red flags now, then to deny them. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mom in denial and I wouldn't wish that on any child. I learned something once the hard way : "If someone shows you who they really are. Believe them. The first time." Best wishes to you.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 4:14 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Go with your instincts. You shouldn't bring a child into an unstable situation. Even if he only drinks once a month, he still puts himself in dangerous situations. One of those times you or the child might be in the car, or he might cause danger to someone else while driving drunk. He needs to get sober before you two bring a child into this world. If he doesn't want to, then honestly there isn't going to be any change from him. I agree with Anna92464. "If someone shows you who they really are, believe them." He's showing you who he really is and if he doesn't want to change then he's not going to. He's not seeing the big picture here and I encourage you to work on your relationship, but please don't bring a child into the situation. Not until it is genuinely resolved.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:25 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I dont think you should right now.. you need to sit and talk with your DH about his issues.. I would be terrified that he would accidently hurt our child if we had one.. He obviously has a problem and most of the alcoholics i know dont realise how wasted they are when they are! It would scare the life out of me to have my kid around him.. Imagine if he was holding a baby super drunk.. or God forbid put a baby in a car and drove!
    I wish you luck.. thats a very sad horrible situation
    maybebaby83

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 5:13 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Oh sweetie! I am so sorry you are going through this! It sounds like you need to be more secure in your relationship before trying to bring a baby into it. If you feel he has a drinking problem, or a drinking and driving problem, that is a VERY good reason to post pone. It would be to your advantage to help him get through this first.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 8:53 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Thanks for the honesty ladies, I just needed to be reassured that I am not just overreacting like dh thinks I am, that & cruelly depriving him of children, he's the one depriving me! I am the 1 who has done nothing wrong & still shares in the consequences, & I had to be responsible 1 & make this decision without his support! Sorry for the rant, feeling a lil frustrated, thanks again I really needed to hear that others felt the same as me about my situation! Bless you all!

    txgrl4lf

    Answer by txgrl4lf at 1:31 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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