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How to get him to respect me?

I have a step-son who is 13 and I've been his only mother for 4 years. We just can't seem to get along very often. He always talks to me like I'm dog **** and when I try and correct him for talking to me like that his father acts like I'm the one doing wrong when really all I ask for is respect.

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shaeshae89

Asked by shaeshae89 at 10:40 PM on Jan. 4, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Never yell at him. Treat him with utmost respect and courtesy. The only thing is, that if he is rude to you, you'll need to figure out how to do this so that he learns the proper way to treat people. Parents really need to present a united front. If his father is undermining your efforts, I don't see how you can do it on your own.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:42 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Obviously dad shows disrespect for you as well so without his support you will never get the child to show respect. Children learn what they live. Dad isn't teaching him well. I'd talk to dad and try to find some middle ground that he will support.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:43 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • I agreee, I think that you need to have a talk with dad. I think you need to tell him that you love his son very much but don't feel that you are being treated with respect. I think you shouldn't displine your son or yell at him but try to ignore him for a while. Usually kids that have step parents act very harsh towards them and don't like giving chances. He will hopefully eventually grow into you, like you, and respect you but give it time. His age also may be the reason he is treating you with disrespect, kids these days have so much going on that the last thing they have the patience for is us *sadly*. Nonetheless, goodluck, and try having a simple talk with his father :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • try to remember when you were 13 its a hard hard age. he's torn between being a smarta-- and being a kid. you need to talk to dh about how you are feeling and the two of you need to come up with a solution---when he backtalks we will do this--when he is disrespectful--we will do this, you came into his life when he was a cute, sweet, little boy, and now the alien has landed. LOL, time to regroup thats all both you and dh are new to this teenager thing and if you don't get a hold of it now there's a big price to pay--if his mother is still in the picture then the 3 of you need to come up with a game plan, and if she is that might be why there is disrespect--he could just be jealous of you in that case i would make sure him and dad have time alone together. good luck it's an awful age i feel your pain. (there needs to be island we can send the teenagers to lol)
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 11:59 PM on Jan. 4, 2010

  • Your stepson will not treat you with respect until his father treats you with respect.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:33 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I agree with the PPs that said you need to have a talk with your SO. As long as your SO sees how he treats you as okay, your SS will not change- he has no reason to as long as he can fall back on the easier parent.
    My SD (now 15) came to live with us when she was 13. Her "mom" is a total piece of crap, so I am also the only real mom she has. When she first moved in with us, DH let her get away with everything because he felt bad for not taking her away from her mom sooner. I put up with that for about 3 months, but soon realized her excuses were total BS. When I began disciplining her, DH told me that I was "too harsh" & "mean" because I actually expected her to be respectful, do her homework, & do her chores. It ended up with me giving him an ultimatum of either her having discipline or us splitting up. Luckily, he pulled his head out of his butt somewhat, but I am still the primary disciplinarian in the house.
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 8:26 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Demand that hubby treat you with respect first, then his son will follow. Also, try treating stepson with respect. If the two of them can't respect you, then STOP doing anything for them until they do. No cooking, cleaning, laundry or taking places. tell them why you will no longer do anything for them.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:47 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • your step son will not show you respect until his dad does so it sounds like you need to discuss this problem with your husband and if he doesnt want to fix the problem then send him to military school. They will teach him RESPECT!
    Texan1993

    Answer by Texan1993 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

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