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What do you do when your grown children our hurting your spouse & you?

I married the most loving man 3 yrs ago. We have 3 grown children, ages 22,21,20. The oldest 2 are his and the youngest is mine. His 2 have been very hurtful the last year more even more so I should say. Mine has been no angel in all of this either. My hubby has a very demanding job and sometimes works a lot of overtime. He comes home very tired and gets bad back spasms. They have accused him of doing illegal drugs as well as dealing them. WHICH isn't true! They even want me to get in the middle of there battle with their father. There have been times the son has been here and his father has had to that his meds so he could get his back to relax. We have tried to talk to them over the Holidays and no call backs. Now the son is saying he will make sure that we will not see our grandson since his sister is pregnant with our first. Please help us! I just want peace in the family again.


Asked by camh0904 at 8:24 AM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (4)
  • Probably the only way you can have peace right now is to accept the fact that your children don't want a relationship with you at this time. Since that is the case, you can't make it happen, because it takes two interested parties to have a relationship. Send them cards on their birthdays. Let them know you care about them when you have the opportunity and wait for them to decide they want to come around. In a situation like yours, there are bound to be many hurt feelings and those take time to heal. Sometimes the more you irritate a wound, the more inflamed it becomes. So try to just back off, take care of your husband's needs, and wait for their wounds to heal.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:47 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Concentrate on you two as a couple. The adult children seem to have issues they need to work out. Give them time to do that. By the time the baby is born it may have settled down.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:58 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I'm sorry you all are having so much dramma, and it sounds like thats exactly what it is.These are GROWN adults why are they having so much power over the 2 of you? I don't see the connection to there being any reason for the old children to bother you.As for there being a baby being born into this family witch includes all of you, because lets face it it takes a village to rase a child, so true.Why don't you take the inisiative and set up a family meeting as this sounds like it's gotten WAY outta hand.You& your husband as well need to set these old siblings right. Try to be sincere and yet firm, don't back down and good luck, you all have to work together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Thank you so much so far for the advice...I just see my Husband hurting so much because of this. I have always been the one to make it all better. I just don't know if I can this time and it bothers me.

    Answer by camh0904 at 9:11 AM on Jan. 5, 2010