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I just got remarried in August. My daughter all of a sudden seems to have a problem with him, even though she liked him before. He does everything for her. I am starting to feel torn between both of them. Not sure what to do! Help! Any suggestions?

I spent 17 yrs. with my ex-husband, my daughter's father. He was a truck driver and never there. I raised our daughter myself. We split up after I found out he was cheating on me. Now he doesnt seem to be able to do anything for our daughter. His excuse is always "I can't afford anything." But yet my new husband who would do anything for her, and pretty much buy her anything she needs or wants, she has a problem with. I know money cant buy love, but why complain about him all the time? Her dad, who does nothing with her or for her, she wants to be with him more than she wants to be here with us. I dont know what to do. My daughter and I used to be so close. Not anymore.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • I've been through this as the daughter first, although your dreams of finding Mr. right have come true.Your daughter may have been happy and or used to the way things where.A guy can be nice to a girl, any age.I think you should be very clear to your daughter that you love her & want her to be able to talk to YOU about anything that might be bothering her.Just be ready to hear what she has to say.Listening will be the best thing for her at this age. I also have a 17 year old daughter. Maybe her father could stop by to just see her for a little bi through town soon? If you asked him to and let him know you want nothing from him, just that his daughter is in a missing her daddy phase. I hope I helped a bit, good luck, and remember the bond we have with OUR girls lasts over all else forever, good luck..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • It's because she feels like your trying to replace her dad and she doesn't want that. My husband is from a split family and both his mom and his dad got remarried. He doesn't have a problem with his step-mom but he cannot stand his step-dad because he tried to take the place of his dad. So that could be it. She could be feeling like your trying to push her dad out of her life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Your daughter probably feels like your new guy is trying to "replace" her own dad. No matter how good a guy your new man is, she will always love her dad just because he is her dad. She no doubt deep down inside sees that her father is neglecting her needs, but she feels a sense of loyalty to him and she will defend him, no matter what he may do. I would advise the new husband to just be available and not to push at all to be more involved in her life. When she is ready, she will come to him. There is a very strong bond between girls and their daddies. If there is anything at all good in him, you and your new hubby need to comment on those positives. This will help your girl know that you are understanding of her love for her dad and that you are on her side.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:42 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Yeah I'd go with the thought that she has to share you now. She thinks Dad would give her undivided attention.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:55 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Hello, that is her dad, and you can't make her realize, he is not there, she has to see it her self.

    If you bad mouth him, she will resent you.

    As long as she is not disrespectful to you guys, I would let her figure it out. Just be there for her, as always, and let her find her way back to his and your arms. She loves you guys and can't figure out why her own dad is not doing the job he should be doing, they are young but not stupid, her step dad, can't give up on her, he needs to let her know he is always there....
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:28 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • LISTENING IS HALF THE BATTLE ASK HER WHAT GOING ON AND WHY SHE DOESN'T LIKE HIM ANY MORE. HOPEFULLY ITS JUST THAT SHE FEELS MORE PAIN FROM THE DIVORCE THAN YOU ARE AWARE OF AND ITS NOTHING THAT NEW DH IS DOING. SHE IS A TEENAGER SHE HATES EVERYONE LOL. BUT SINCE HER BEHAVIOR HAS CHANGED TOWARD YOU SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED AND YOU NEED TO LISTEN---MAYBE IT WOULD HELP IF JUST THE TWO OF YOU HAD A GIRLS DAY OUT. GOOD LUCK!
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 1:08 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Talk to her and FIND OUT WHY she doesn't like him I hope he hasn't "done" anything to her. Maybe she needs some counsoling to deal with the divorce and the loss of her dad in her life.
    Texan1993

    Answer by Texan1993 at 4:07 PM on Jan. 20, 2010

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