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How do you get a father to take his kids out in public?

My kids have an inherited "deformity" so they look a little different than other children. But their father won't take them anywhere. He goes to the grocery store or Blockbuster, he won't take them. Yet if I go, I always take one with me. They love going out and ask all the time to go bye-bye. Yet he leaves and I have to hear the crying and pat them up. I tell them we go next time and find something to distract them. My son now takes him to the door and ask to go and he says "No." We only have one car right now. Which makes it hard already but with kids it's harder.

What can I do to get him to take them out? I asked him was he ashamed of them and he said no. But then doesn't take them anywhere.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:32 AM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • My x never took his children out in public until they were old enough that he didn't have to deal with tantrums or diapers or feedings. Some men have little patience with children. I wouldn't take it so personally. I think it's just a guy thing and they don't want to mess with kids. They just want to go get what they need and come back. Kids sometimes slow that process down. A lot of kids go through separation anxiety when a parent walks out the door. Just try to have the child in another room so he won't see dad leave.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:43 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Wow that's a hard one. Sounds like maybe he needs some counseling.
    afisk

    Answer by afisk at 9:34 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • that's awful! your dh needs to grow up!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I inherited this condition and he loves me. But I'm not saying that he doesn't love his kids. He asked me to give up my job to stay at home and to take care of them as a SAHM. They (we) can have surgery to correct this but they're too young and wouldn't be able to do it until they're teens. Right now they're 2 & 3. So what 10+ years of seclusion?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • The truth is, you cannot make him do it. But it may just be a guy thing, and not that he is ashamed of his children. Some guys don't take their children places with them because it is easier not to.
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 9:47 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I would be very upset! If my dh goes anywhere, he always takes at least one of our kids with him. Even when my older 3 are at their dad's and it's just me and our baby - he'll take the baby with him and leave me at home (if I don't want to go). When I'm working, he'll take all 4 of them out to the store, or out to eat. I can't imagine having a husband who was that uninvolved, for whatever reason. You need to talk to him and find out the "real" reason he isn't taking them. If it's just the hassle, then maybe he needs some practice taking care of them. He isn't ever going to get any better at it unless he does it! And if it has to do with their looks, then he needs some serious counseling!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:52 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I think it is the age, not him being ashamed.

    My man was the same way, I stopped asking though, he had to take at least one. I have 4, he did get use to it but they were around 3, out of diapers or as I remember in training. They are our kids, not just mines, and sometimes men need alone time with them.

    I would talk to him, don't assume, ask him if he can handle it-if he is ready.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 9:53 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • He's either ashamed or embarrassed. Either way he needs to accept his children for everything they are.
    He won't take them out AND talking about getting them surgery .. Yet he claims he's not ashamed. He's lying.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:54 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • He may just not have the patience for them, they are young. My husband takes our kids out when he is home. They all like spending time together out of the house.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:58 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I really doubt this has anything to do with their deformity. My DH doesn't like to take our kids out either. Know why? Cuz it's a pain to take the kids around with you when you can just go by yourself. My kids are regular normal children and my DH doesn't want to take them out unless I go with him. It's a guy thing not wanting to coral the kids. I know that you are probably just sensitive about this issue, but try not to take it personally.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 10:03 AM on Jan. 5, 2010

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