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facebook/ex-girlfriend/cheating...

ok, my husband and i both have facebook. we've had it for over a year now. a few months ago he started laughing while he was on the computer and i asked him why. he said an ex girlfriend had requested him as a friend and thought it was funny because apparently things didn't end well. he figured she had the attitude of forgive and forget and asked me if i minded if he accepted her friend request. i said no, go ahead. i really didn't care at the time. they went out 10+ years ago and live 3 states apart. seemed ok to me. i have guy friends on there that i have went out with or fooled around with on a drunken night or whatever. anyway, i clicked facebook on the desktop and my husbands account came up, i guess he forgot to logout last time he used it. i had written him kind of a mean message earlier because we got into a fight and i got feeling bad about it so i decided while his account was open...(con't on 1st answer)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • i would go ahead and delete that message. when i got to his mailbox, i saw several messages from the ex girlfriend. wrong i know, but i read them. there was nothing there about an affair or anything but the messages said things like, "i want to make up for the way things ended", "i've been thinking about you", "i miss you in my life" and so on. these things were said by both her and my husband. i'm not really sure how to feel about this. is this just harmless talk? should i be pissed? is this cheating? further more, what do i do about it. confront him? continue spying? forget i ever saw it? help...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Talk to him. Spying on your husband is just IMO petty.
    It probably is just harmless they probably just want to make amends for it being such a bad break up.
    I know my husband has a ex that they are good friends still.
    Even she is married with 3 kids and they are still friends
    Mrs.Owen86

    Answer by Mrs.Owen86 at 1:41 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I'd be mad. First of all, my husband doesnt have ANY exes in his life anymore.. neither do I. If we run into them we are nice and polite but dont keep them in our lives. The fact that he is doing that behind your back is what would piss me off.. why wouldnt he tel you about if it was just innocent? About 3 years ago I got an email from an EX requesting me as a friend on facebook also.. I rejected it and emailed saying sorry im married ect. ect.. but i also went and told my husband all the conversations i had with him right away.. No point in hiding something if you do nothing wrong! I would def. bring it up to him! Good luck
    maybebaby83

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 1:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • i'd be pissed. it sounds like the beginning stages of an affair. nip it in the bud and end it now. tell him the truth about how you saw the messages and why you were originally there. let him know that what he's saying to his ex is hurtful and some women (me included) already consider what he did cheating and is already most definitely a breach in trust. don't let things simmer to see how far he's willing to take things with her, you'll only get more hurt the longer you wait. he'll probably try to say "it's nothing" and he just wanted to make things right, but remind him that you are not naive and know what it really means when you tell someone "i miss you in my life" and "i've been thinking of you". don't be naive. you deserve the truth. and it's up to you what you decide what to do with him.
    rAbella

    Answer by rAbella at 1:52 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I recently had the same thing happen. Ex boyfriend contacted me and wanted to be facebook friends. I told my DH about it and he was cool. The ex and i did end badly and we have exchanged a few messages on how we could have ended, that we do think about each other bla bla bla. I think it is innocent and you should talk to your DH about it. Good Luck
    dillonsma

    Answer by dillonsma at 1:56 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • i also 100% agree with the poster above me. if it was innocent, he should have told you about it from the very start.

    rAbella

    Answer by rAbella at 1:56 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • well if the messeges came from him...thats not good BUT if "im thinking about you" and statements like that came from her...its not entirely BAD...she's prolly making it up since you said things didnt end good between them and she's prolly sending these messeges cause she's got that little crush on him. i would continue spying because if you confront him in the beginning of thier conversations...he can easily cover it up saying things like "well she's been saying all that and i dont have feelings for her anymore but that was the only nice way i can think of to let her go" or something.

    wait till more things are said cause you will find out more and no one can hide it then.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 2:03 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Send the messages to your email/facebook and keep them for when you are consulting a divorce attny.. She's pursuing him and it sounds like he is enjoying it... "red flag!" could be dangerous. Myself? I would have sent her a response from his message when you were on his account and I probably would have deleted her and then blocked her.. when he asked? I would pull up the emails.. and a phone number for a divorce lawyer!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • id be pist first id email her an let her no he is your husband an two id email them to my email for my divorce attorney and three id say sometihng to him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • i think it could go either way, i have a few exs on facebook and my hubby knows it, he has a few also, i also have had a few old guy friends request me added them and they totally creeped me out telling me what they wanted to do to me, i deleted them and told my hubby, i have had a few "remember when" conversations and it was totally harmless i am vry happy where i am but that doesnt change the fact i have a past, as does my husband, clearly we wouldnt be with an ex if it was ALL bad there are always some good memories even in the worst relationships, and as we grow up (which im sure both parties have done over ten years) we see the mistakes of our past, we wouldnt want to change them its what made us who we are, how ever we may want to change the hurt feelings from the past i would just talk to hi about it
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 4:58 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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