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is this cheating or something else??

ok so my husband just got caught doing cyber stuff. He is spending money on an online video chat. He gets on there and girls are on webcam and he watches them do stuff. He spent over 400 dollars on it in less than a month. He even did it twice on christmas day.
Is this just cheating or is it a sex addiction? What do you think what do i do?

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Asked by mommy- at 2:16 PM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (17)
  • It's both! You need to talk him into getting therapy before it gets worse.

    Answer by afisk at 2:18 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Its not cheating. Its a sex addiction. Try asking him why he feels the need to spend that kinda money. I understand looking at porn but to dish out that kinda money is insane.

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 2:21 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • i consider that to be cheating(my opinion) anything that he is doing sexually and its not with you is wrong in my book. but i even concider cheating if he would have a simple secret lunch meeting with someone. everyone has there opinion on it, i am very strick on what is acceptable and what is not. i would get on him about it and ask why you arnt good enough to do thoes things with?.....besides wasteing money like that just pisses me off. it goes nowhere but down the drain.

    Answer by cnv13085 at 2:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I do not consider looking at a women cheating. Him wasting $400 on porn is wrong, But not cheating to me.


    Answer by louise2 at 2:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • he is telling these girls what he wants them to do to themselves. its interactive porn. IMO he is cheating

    Answer by mommy- at 2:25 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Huge problem... aside from the cheating he is spending YOUR money on the cheating! Insist on counseling now or leave!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • btw i am 3 days from my c-section and we have 3 other kids

    Answer by mommy- at 2:37 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Wow. I'm sorry you're going through this. I def see it more as an addiction than cheating, but some people's definition of cheating varies. I think $400 worth of porn is def over the top. He needs to seek help asap. Good Luck.

    Answer by Luvmylilmonkies at 2:38 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • It is both. I would tell him he has to make a choice between his other women and me, that I will no longer be sharing my husband with a bunch of other women. You can give him a certain length of time in which to make his decision, but there should be no sharing of your bed with him. I would tell him that I am willing to help him overcome this, that I am not interested in divorce, but in saving this marriage and family. Doug Weiss Phd has written an excellent book entitled THE FINAL FREEDOM for men such as your husband. His web site is There is all kinds of help for men who want out of this lifestyle, but they have to want out. It will only get worse, and you should not put up with it another day. Love must be hard-nosed about such things, and I wish you much strength and courage. If you have family, ask them to help you do an intervention, just like you would do with drugs.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:52 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Yep, cheating and an addiction. Sorry hon, but you got some problems to deal with. Not to mention the money he is spending. Not right at all and I would be pissed. Maybe even so pissed I'd pack his bags and toss him out.

    Answer by TarLion at 3:19 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

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