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Question For Women Who Dated Someone After Ending It With Their Childs Father.

Was it scary having sex with someone new after you'd had children? I broke up with my two sons father a year ago and my new boyfriend and I still haven't had sex because i'm to worried about being "loose". Any advice would be helpful.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • No, it wasn't scary at all. If you've been doing kegels, then chances are you will be as tight as any other woman. My dh had never dated anyone who had kids at all, and I had 3! He said I don't feel any different to him, except he actually likes that I'm very comfortable with my body and because i do my kegels regularly, I have more control over my "muscles" down there than most women.
    And if he loves you, he wouldn't really care how you felt anyway!

    Answer by missanc at 2:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I broke up with my childs father a month after i gave birth. then after 6 months of having my child i had sex for the first time since before giving birth...It crosses my mind now and then...But i'm secure now with the man I am with and he makes me comfortable....This is who I am and how I am because of....having a child~

    Answer by DDTSMommy at 2:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • You should be okay! Just go with the flow with your new man.

    Answer by dollarmill at 3:42 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I was slightly insecure, but I can't really say that it was the result of having children. It was really just that I loved him so much, and it was such a huge step in our already fast-moving relationship, and I used childbirth altering my body as my concrete reason for being so nervous. But, really, I knew he loved me and I knew he didn't care what my body looked like, that he loved me for who I am and that THAT was what turned him on as well as what my body may or may not look like. If you're really nervous, you can always use candles or soft lighting the first time or two, and eventually, you'll come to realize that he loves you and even if he hasn't seen it naked, he has a pretty good idea of your body type and wants you, so clearly it doesn't matter to him. You'll be fine. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 3:54 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I was in the same position as you with my current boyfriend. I was insecure not only because I have children but also because I've been having sex with only my husband for the last 4 years prior to my boyfriend. And to make matters worse I was battling with the fact that my husband cheated on me with my younger slimmer sister. My self esteem was all screwed up. What I did was work on making myself feel better about me by buying sexy underwear, doing kegel exercises and (r u ready for this?), masturbating! Surprisingly masturbating made me feel more comfortable about sharing my sexuality with someone new. Now the first time I had sex with my boyfriend, he came right out and told me how tight I was and the things i do with my muscles down there made him go crazy. I also suggest taking it slow with your new guy, maybe start with oral sex until you get so relaxed and aroused, you wont even think about whether you're loose or not

    Answer by aziza4 at 4:52 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I was worried wen i got w/ my fiance after me & my kids dad split, but everything was fine he says sex is amazing w/ me. he cant tell the differnce between me & the girls he had sex w/ in the past that didnt have kids.

    Answer by Mrs.Ferri at 9:48 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • i wasnt worried about feeling "loose" i was more nervous like i was my first time, i had been with my kids father for 4 years and it was all NEW and scarey in the sense that you never know who has what!

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 4:42 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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