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how do u stop the fighting after 8yrs of fighting can there b change & move on ??

this from from a friend she an her hubby have been married for 8yrs there my age they also have a kid they have separated cuz they always fight so they are hoping that the fighting will stop so they are tryin this hopin that the fighting will stop if not there will b devorice can u tell her how to stop the fighting is there a chance or is it dun?? how do u stop the fighting after fighting for so long is there a chance or should they get a devorice they dont want to do this they want to work on this an make it better an b happy they thnk there is a chance an so do i but they both have s0me thngs to work on but, do you thnk wut can they do ?? wut do you thnk??

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ProudMommy9404

Asked by ProudMommy9404 at 4:53 PM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Fighting is not necessarily a bad thing. People do need to learn how to fight properly. Disagreements are how we work out our differences and arrive at common ground. Sometimes, we have to just agree to disagree, but even that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's called individuality. I think they will have a much better chance if they live together instead of separating. They really just need to learn how to better express their views without actually coming to a point of being nasty about it. Most couples today have never had a marriage model, so they have no idea how to disagree without yelling and screaming at each other. It doesn't have to be that way, and there is plenty of help available to those who want to change their ways. There are tons of good books on marriage that couples can read together, just a page or two a day, and it will make a huge difference in their understanding of one another.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:09 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • NannyB is correct. They need to learn how to fight properly. Otherwise they will continue this pattern in every subsequent relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • It takes two to fight. If one would stop then there is no fight. They should learn to pick their battles and let the other things go.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • i agree with nancyb, my hubby and i argue and fight, but we do it in a way that we are in a sense "fighting fair" we only allow an arguement to b about 1 thing for exsample, he was mad that i am always on the computer, when we were doing our "pre-martial" counseling (haha after we got married) he brought this issue up and i brought up the issue of the way he gives his dd special treatment when she is here, anyhow when he was mad about the computer, he said "i even brought this up with pastor ron" the first thing in my mind was well i brought up the way you treat ur dd over the 3 children that live with us (my 2 his 1) instead i stopped myself and reminded myself thats not what the arguement was about, and at that time i was spending too much time on the computer, instead of bringing other things in to it it was just about the orginal thing, another that works for us is we do not fight about the kids in front of the kids lol
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 2:41 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • "It takes two to fight. If one would stop then there is no fight. They should learn to pick their battles and let the other things go. "

    i tried this one, (not with my hubby) and all it got me was a split lip because i wouldnt argue back, it just made my ex even madder so remember every sitution is different and what is true for some isnt true for others, also if you always just bite your tounge to aviod the fighting then one or both people are going to feel very resentful that they cant even tell the truth with out it being a problem
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 2:43 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • They are going to have to sit down and find out what they want and answer the question why are they fighting so much like it was said before fighting is not always a good thing or bad thing. In the end they might have to both sit down and write out what is good and what is bad about the relationship and find out what they want from it and for it. only they will know how far or how hard they are willing to work to make it I wish them luck!!

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:13 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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