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Boyfriend and coworker/friend do not get along

5 years ago my husband left me. Around the same time a male co-worker start dating another co-worker and they got married. The male co-worker and I had a great friendship relationship for several years. My children and I spent a lot of time with his family. Barbaques, camping and such. Unfortantly we crossed the line a couple years ago and ended up having a year long sexual relationship. The wife never found out. I ended the sexual relationship but continued the friendship. Then two years ago I met my BF. Because I wanted to be completley honest with the man I met, I told him about the affair. My Co-worker/friend and my BF butted heads right away. In fact for the past year and a half my co-worker friend wouldn't talk to me. We still work together and have recently began to mend fences. Is it too much for me to expect my BF to not be jealous over a relationship that had began and ended before I even met him?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • yes, it is too much to ask. Which relationship is more valuable to you? Put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes. There is obviously some level of attraction between you and this guy, and you two have a track record of cheating to be together.

    Answer by mandaday at 8:21 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Yeah, you're asking too much....he was married and cheated with you, which isn't a good reflection on your level of integrity. If I were your boyfriend I would wonder if there was still an attraction and/or maybe something going on. Not trying to be a bitch here just my take on it. I also might add that I'm no saint!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Its kind of insane to think he would be okay with it.. you are both cheaters.. maybe you didnt have a boyfriend at the time but you DID know he had a girlfriend and even hung out with their family.. if you can sleep with someone after hanging out with wife and family, then i dunno.. that seems low to me. If i was your boyfriend i wouldnt for a minute trust that you wouldnt do it again, or that he wouldnt for that matter.

    Answer by maybebaby83 at 8:52 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Yes and I think it is best to keep a polite working relationship, and nothing more,,,,,mistakes happen, and your BF is probably worried about it having a repeat. BTW I wouldn't share this info if you get another boyfriend, even thought you know it isn't in your nature, you are going to make them not trust you for the entire relationship... not sharing does not equate not honesty, LOL! Now doing it while you were with him would make you dishonest!! Good luck Mom!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:01 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Thank you so much for your honest opinions. I showed my BF and although he likes the honesty, it still bothers him. I knew before I'd even mentioned it that I would have to prove all over again that its him that I want. Hes worth it though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • I see no reason to ever tell a bf about an affair. The cheating was not against him and confessions are not warranted. Telling him you were sexual with a partner other than your dh would have been enough if you were talking about how many partners you have had in the past for health reasons but names should never be given imho. However, that wasn't your question, you want to know it if's too much to ask that your bf and ex lover be ok with one another. Yes it's too much to expect. You said it, it happened before you met him so you should have never confessed it. Men will always hold that crap against you. There was no good purpose for telling him. Learn from this and don't confess things that are none of anyone's business but your own.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:44 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • p.s. you don't have to "prove" anything to him. It was your past. He did NOT appreciate your "honesty". I don't care what he says. It will eat him up and he will never let you live it down.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:46 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • if it werent for the fact he was cheating on his wife to be with you, i would say there should be no problem i have exs that im still friends with and hubby is fine with that he too has exs he is still friends with. However we didnt cheat to be with them, there is one of his exs i dont like and he told me i could delete her from his facebook and myspace if i wanted too, my reason for not liking her although they dated back in high school she was PLANNING to cheat on her hubby with mine (b4 we met) and the only thing that stopped her was he was like no im not messing up what i have, (i have seen the messages on myspace) so i dont like her i chose not to delete her because he told me i could because i was more important, shes in another country (her husband is army and she was going to cheat while he was deployed and she was home for vacation, nice huh??) but if your bf is that important to you then you should drop the ex

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 11:18 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

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