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Have you ever forgiven after a violent fight?

We got into a fight, he was drunk. He shoved me against a wall a few times. 911 was called. he was arrested. there is a no contact order now. I'm going thru classes to lift the order.
Is it possible to take something like this and make a relationship stronger. Given the right direction can it work? There isn't anything on the internet or anywhere for help to work together after it all. Everybody is hell bent on the leave him run away idea. I know what the damn stats are.
Have you been able to move forward after a bad fight that involved physical contact. **note he did not hit me, he shoved me. Yes it was wrong. He does not drink, he did that night because it was new years. We have not been able to talk since new years. His mom says he is heartbroken over it all and wants me to know he is going to counseling and church and doing whatever it will take to make life right for us.**

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Jan. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Has this ever happened before>How long have you been married????? I think shoving is silly, but as long as it has NEVER happened and depending on what you were saying as well,,,, it is something I think you can overcome, BTW if you are not married or have only been married for a little bit, then that does change it!!

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:02 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • If he is not a drinker and he didn't hit and just shoved you like you said then yes i personally would give him another shot and you know by the way your asking your question that it's already in your head that you planned on it...I can tell:) if it was anymore violent than that I would have to say no because guys that hit once will always hit again!! Everyone can tell you how to live your life because they don't have to walk in your shoes, but you have to follow your heart. But like I said only if there is no abuse involved, then it can be fixed.

    Answer by jsimonds220 at 11:02 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • We have fought before but nothing like that. The circumstances around it were insane. He dosn't drink. Our friends got him to drinking.I told him I was ok with it I would stay sober. Lot's of events happened that night. It was insane. I had left the party and took the kids home. I guess things got really bad between him and our friend. By the time DH got home he was piss drunk and mad beyond belief. I was blind sided by it all. He didn't even know what happened until the next day. He woke up in a jail cell and couldn't figure out why. I was told his first words were"oh shit did I drive?" It was when he made a call and he was trying to call me and the op told him he couldn't that he found out what happened. He called his mom and his mom told him what she knew. He was crying and told her he had no idea. I believe he truly didn't know. I think he thought he was still dealing with the friend. I don't know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • If he is not a violent man by nature and he doesn't drink again there might be some hope but the first time my x shoved me he cried for weeks to everyone who would listen until I let him come home. I had hope. I believed him. Needless to say, since I refer to him as my x, it didn't work for us. I wish you the best but you should stay in contact with a domestic violence shelter so you can educate yourself and know what to watch for to see if it will become a cycle. Be hopeful but be aware and stay safe.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:29 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • He does not drink, but there are ogranizations out there that will help him to never drink again... not AA groups, but therapy groups. It could help with charges and all. If this was a one time only thing.. I would forgive him and try to work it out as long as he promised NEVER to drink again.

    Answer by ArmyWifeMomof3 at 11:42 PM on Jan. 5, 2010

  • Yes I have and we both had to agree to do a whole lot of work. My husband shoved me too and spent the night in jail. In the long run, it didn't work out. He wasn't wiling to do the work. I agree with admckenzie. You should educate yourself on the cycles of domestic violence. To be aware is to be alive. Hopefully, you won't see this pattern in your relationship. Drinking or drugging are bandages covering much deeper issues. Granted, you said he doesn't drink. That doesn't negate the fact that something niggling lies beneath his surface and it took alcohol to bring it to the forefront. Until those issues are addressed, the monster will rear his ugly head again and it gets stronger each time.


    Answer by Ewadun at 12:13 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Depends on you guys. You both need to not drink and need to grow up. My brother shoved his wife a few months ago he was arrested then quickly released when it was realized he only shoved her because she was hitting him and he wanted to get away from her. He had bruises all over his chest. She was arrested and he is pressing charges. She is abusive and it wasn't a fight it was abuse. If you and your spouse were both fighting and it got taken to far you both are responsible and both need to get help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • i think ya with cousnseling u can work it out... and make him either stop drinking, or cut down. i used to get into it with an ex and obviously didnt work out, but it was violent, punching kicking shoving and it went both ways, im not 1 to be hit and not hit back! my mom even witnessed it... i never called the police, luckily he went to jail for something else and i met a guy who is now my hubby

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • 1. stop communicating thru his mother and follow the ordewr of protection. 2. if he says he will get help in aa or whatever to not drink, then he does it before he comes home or around you and the kids. 3. he goes to anger management, because as admkenzie said, it doesnt always work even with weeks of crying. your man had this side in him, he has a part of himself that was capable of hurting you, the alcohol just brought it out. the fact he doesnt remember is not a bonus , thats scarier than if he did remember...because what if instead of shoving you he decided to choke you or bash you brains out? sorry but this is serious and you have kids and you make damn sure that hubby is getting help and means it before you let him near your are an adult, so you have a choice...your children do not. do not teach them that its ok to be violent as long as you are really really sorry-because thats bull. good luck and be careful

    Answer by Bearsjen at 1:20 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:25 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

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