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4 year old with anger issues?

I have a 4 year old that seems to have some issues going on. I'm thinking about taking him to a child psycologist to have him evaluated. He started out with my middle child, he's contantly hitting him and trying to urge my other son to do things that could potentially hurt him and also tried to get my 2 year old to bite him. He's always mean to him. The other day he actually tipped my 7 month old over in his jumperoo (kind of like an exersaucer), while I was in the kitchen, no harm was done thank God. Then today he walked up to the 7 mo old in his highchair and I asked him to stay back because I worry now and he walked up behind him and started shaking his seat really hard. Then when I was letting the dog outside today, my 2 year old started screaming, and I went into their room and he was laying on top of him and wouldn't get off. WHAT THE HECK!?!?!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:13 AM on Jan. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Hmmm, this is a tough one... I've worked with kiddos with many different issues, ODD, ADHD, ADD, Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality, and on-and-on for about 10 years. Although your little one may not have a disorder, it may be helpful to recognize and focus on some of his strengths and develop some coping skills to help him with his anger. Find out what really gets him to focus and distracts him from negative behavior. For example, I had a kiddo who loved to put models together (cars, planes, things like that), so whenever the boy began showing signs that he was about to have an incident, the staff would suggest that he work on his model. If he did well by the end of a week or 2 weeks, he would get a special trip to the store to pick out a new model. I'm not suggesting that you reward him for negative behavior, this just may be a good distraction tool to get him to re-focus his energy and deter the negative behavior.
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 10:24 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Is there a reason why he is acting out? Has he been subjected to an older child that may bully him or pick on him? Is he jealous of the younger kids? Have you talked with him about why he is behaving like this? If it does continue I would suggest taking him to what you mentioned. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • None that I can think of. That's why I'm looking for ideas. I've posted this question on different areas of CM, hoping for something to spark. Attention is really even between all 3 of my kids. He's not around older kids, but he has started preschool. It's a Christian school and rules are strict, I really don't see him being bullied. I've asked him why he does those things and he either looks right through me or shrugs his shoulders or denies it when I saw it happen. He gets really special time and treatment from both me and my husband on a regular basis. Movies, bowling, fun place once a month, alone while his brothers are w/ Grandma, Fridays are special if he's good at school all week, we get a slushy or a frappichino after school. If he was good at home and school we pick a movie to rent and watch it together. Nap time is "us" time, we play games the whole time or cuddle and watch tv until the younger ones wake up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I have to wonder if you have clearly set boundaries for your son so that he knows that this is behavior which is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Before I took him for psychological help, I would define for him what behaviors will and will not be tolerated in this home. Then every time he hits, bites, or encourages someone else to, I would spank his bare leg or behind hard enough so that he felt the sting of it. This would have been easier to have accomplished when he was two, but it is not too late now. Children are naturally self-serving, and some have a greater tendency to it than do others. They have to be taught that the parents are the ones who set the limits on this kind of behavior. In the process, you will be teaching him to respect you and your authority in the home, as well as respect for his siblings. This then can later be transferred to teachers, coaches, fellow students, and others.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:18 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • -From OP- I am a lot more strict than you think. He is corrected every time and I do believe in spanking and it has happened many times to attempt to correct the behavior, he doesn't care. He cries until the sting is gone and then it's done and he's back do it again. Same happens when a favorite toy gets taken, a few minutes of crying because of it, and he finds a new favorite toy a couple days later and forgets about the one I took away. Every since my kids started walking, they've gotten disciplined, and we're not that easy on them. Hurting others has NEVER been ok in our house. When he was between 1-2 he was hitting my mom and once he had slapped me in the face, but I was able to get him to stop doing that.. Just can't get him to be nice to his brothers.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Also, one agency had a coping skills cart that had different items to help kiddos curb their frustrations. There were sensory items on the cart that stimulated different senses, soft stuffed animals, strechy workout bands, squishy balls, puzzles, hot candy, gum, snowglobes, a body sock, pumice stone, etc. If a child began to get frustrated we'd suggest that they pick an item from the cart to sit alone with and use. It was amazing how many times this tool worked for kids acting out. After teh child was calm, a staff would process the child's feelings with him/her and try to suggest different ways of dealing with emotions. One kiddo requested wasabi peas, and whenever she became angry or frustrated she would chew the wasabi peas to calm herself down. P.M. me if you have anymore questions. ;-)
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 10:31 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

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