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HELP! My DD wants NOTHING to do with my DH

I just dont know what to do anymore. My husband has been away for work since Arysia was 10 weeks old. So, we co-slept and its just been her and I. I've been apart of play groups and such but I am her soul caretaker. My DH just recently got back (the middle of November) and my daughter doesnt want ANYTHING to do with him. When he comes into the room while I'm bathing her, she screams. Same thing for diaper changes or anything where he needs to take care of her. Biggest thing is her still waking in the middle of the night and him not being able to do anything. She will put her feet against his chest and try to push off while SCREAMING the whole time.
Its been 10 months of this. I'm worn out and desperate for a break!!

My question: How can I get her use to him so I can atleast take a shower w/out her crying or he can put her to bed every once in a while??

Please, help. I'm sooooo tired.

Answer Question
 
Ruca422

Asked by Ruca422 at 8:07 AM on Jan. 6, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I think it's gonna take alittle more time.What HE can do is be very interrested in her and what she is doing.If he has a very loud voice it might also be something she may have to get used to.We women (most of the time) have softer voices and after a long period of time if thats what they here thats what feels right.I hope it all comes together for all of you.Try to stay calm and do stuff together let her see you trusting in him and let her see you smile from him.If she see's he makes you happy she will follow.Best of luck! Stephy , god bless
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 8:24 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Play w/ the 3 of you & get her interested in what dh's doing, you back further away until they're playing together. You're gonna have to go back & forth for a bit. Have him do things to take care of her w/ you so she's used to him doing these things w/ you. It's gonna take time. It also won't kill her to let him watch her while you take a shower, let her scream, when she sees that you come back after being away it'll reinforce that it's okay for you to leave & that you will come back for her. If she has a favorite toy or food let him give it to her.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:29 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • You need to let him do as much for her as possible right now. That might mean she cries sometimes but she needs to know that daddy can comfort her just as well as mommy. My husband worked 100 hours a week after our son was born then finally switched jobs so he could be home more when our son was 4 months old. Our son wanted nothing to do with my husband he barely knew him. My husband took over with him when he got home from work. I took a weekend and left them alone it was not easy but my son and husband bonded with me gone. Now my son is a huge daddy's boy and won't leave his side. Do things that will allow them to bond the same way you have it is really important.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I'd say, have him help dispite her cries. SHe wins the battles now, so knows all she has to do is cry and mommy will come running. But daddy is capable of caring for her too and she needs to learn that and learn to trust him. That won't happen if everytime she cries mommy comes running. I'm split on whether you should stay with her for the added comfort while daddy does things, or leave the room and let them figure it out together. Try having a day out and leave daddy with her so she has no other options and see if she starts to adapt.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Its going to take some time. Have him do some of the diaper changes, bath time and feedings. You need to get her to know that its ok for daddy to do it. She dosnt trust him yet. She dosnt know him. Give her time to warm up to him. But he has to try to comfort her and do things with her before she will calm down and know that hey hes ok. My son was the same way when my DH came back from his deployment and it was only a short one. He had to come back after only a few months due to a small injury. But DS wanted nothing to do with him. Like i said before its going to take some time but you need to have him play with her and stuff like that so she will get used to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • It will just take time. We're a military family and I know lots of families that have gone through this when dad or mom gets deployed when a child is young. It will get better. Your baby may also be going through the separation anxiety stage. I know for a while my son wanted mom and no one else. Again, it's just something that eases up over time and trying to rush it makes it worse. Hang in there and tell your husband not to take it personally. :)

    PhilsBabyMama

    Answer by PhilsBabyMama at 11:26 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

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