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how do you date when your 19 year old doesn't want you to?

I haven't dated serious in 7 years.... because I didn't want just anyone around my two kids. Now my youngest is 13 and oldest is 19, I met this guy that I really like, and it appears that he feels the same for me...... My son is good with it, but my daughter is not....... When I asked her why she said she just dosen't want me to date. When he comes over she would just go in her room, no hello nothing. when he calls........she would say something like your stalker is on the phone. It is very hurtful because it feel like she has no respect for me, she doesnt work I pay all her expensive, She's starting college and I have to pay for all of that. Her father died a week before her 1st birthday. She's always been this way when I met my son father she was 7 she hated him too. I have to live..... I'm 41 and not getting any younger.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Jan. 6, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (14)
  • Ok first OFF, she's 19 and of adult age. If she can't be respectful, then she can find somewhere else to live and pay her own way in life. Its your home, somewhere along the way you've let her be this way. Don't let her do it anymore
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:36 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Turthfully your 19 year old has know controll over your life anymore. Just tell her if you can't date she can't either. That should shut her up.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:38 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Ha Ha... that crap would end real fast when you kick her out on her butt!! She has no right to say anything to you. You are an adult and should act as such. At this point in your life, your daughter is old enough to take care of herself and should be out doing so. I would give her one month to get a job and an apartment... it's time to kick her out of the nest. She's an added expense that you have no business supporting. Times are tough, times are hard, here's your ticket to a new life. If she's going to college, make her live in a dorm. Too much for a 41 year old to have to deal with. Hon... I am 45, both my kids have been on their own since they graduated... it was either college and dorm, or an apartment and full time job.... Enjoy your life!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • She's 19...beyond the age where you need to consider her feelings in your love life. She is old enough and fully capable of moving out on her own and living her own life. I would simply put my foot down and explain to her that it is time she take responsibility for her own life, and that she needs to start respecting you or she is out. Date the man that you like, and do be cautious with the 13 yr old, but clearly that doesn't really need to be said. :)
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:58 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Time for you to take control over your life and your home, mama.
    You no longer have to do what was in the best interest of your daughter. She is an adult and if she doesn't like it, then she can lump it. You need to set her straight on her behavior in YOUR home with your guests and your telephone calls. If she wants to go to her room and sulk, fine, but she can not refer to your friends or guests, in person or on the phone or any other time, in a rude and disrespectful manner. If she has a problem with it, tell her to move out.
    I think it is wonderful that you want to keep supporting your daughter financially and put her through college, but if she doesn't begin to respect you as an adult should, then tell her she should move out on her own and pay her own way so you don't have to deal with her attitude.
    Tell her that you did your job raising her and now it is your turn to have a life.
    I wish you the best.
    PrydferthMenyw

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 10:15 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Tell that brat to grow up. How would she like it if you behaved that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • She needs to get her life together and be happy for you if find someone special. Many times children (even adult children) are jealous. Talk with her and tell her that you hope she wishes you to be happy. If not, maybe she can go live on campus and get her own life away from your's.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:37 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I have to firmly agree with the above. You need to put your foot down with DD. Explain to her that she is now old enough to understand (as I assume she has romantic interests of her own). She has no right to control you in this way and you should let her know that. I admire you in your assistance of her financially for living expenses and college, however, she should be making some sort of contribution to the household financially, as well as not emotionally causing problems such as calling your gentleman friend your stalker. I would set some firm guidelines on what type of behavior you will and will not permit and also the consequences for infractions. And do not miss a beat about following up on those consequences or she will not learn to respect you or your authority. You deserve a good life Mama. : )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • It's not her business.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO SET SOME BOUNDRIES. FOR YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOURSELF. SHE IS CONSIDERED A LEGAL ADULT NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEANT BY YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR HER? PEOPLE WORK HARD TO GET WHAT THEY WANT AND SELDOM APPRICIATE SOMETHING THAT IS HANDED TO THEM---SHE NEEDS TO LEARN RESPONSIBILITY--WORKING FOR IT. AND YOU NEED TO LEARN THAT WE AS MOTHERS WELCOME OUR CHILDREN INTO OUR LIVES, ITS YOUR LIFE, SHE IS GROWN---WHOSE CONTROLING WHO HERE---YOUR BOTH GROWN WOMEN LIVE YOU LIVES
    ohio4

    Answer by ohio4 at 12:56 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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