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SAHM'S do you worry your husband will leave and you will not have any money because you don't have a job?

I'm really not bashing just asking. I want to become a sahm but I'm terrified that my husband will have all the control even though we have a joint account. What if we get divorced or he leaves me. Do you fear this also?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Jan. 6, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (132)
  • If you have a good marriage, why the worry? If you are afraid he will leave you, whether you are a SAHM or not... then there are other issues that need to be addressed and you guys need help.

    Me - I am a SAHM, a choice hubby and I made for our family before we were even pregnant. I am in no way afraid he will leave me and I will have no means of income. I am secure in our relationship and know that I am the love of my husband's life as he is of mine.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 9:48 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • No we don't have other issues that need to be addressed. Things happen, people fall out of love, men cheat. Your foolish to think your husband would never or this could never happen to you. Of course I THINK my husband loves me and would never cheat or leave me. The key word is THINK not KNOW.

    OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • you should trust that your husband would tell you if he needed help and needed you to get a job
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:57 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • No. I don't think it's foolish to believe that my dh would never cheat on me or leave me. He has the deepest love and respect for me as a person, as his wife, and as a SAHM. I have my own bank account, I have money in my own bank account. Just because I'm a SAHM doesn't mean I'm not involved in family finances and have no resources of my own. And I KNOW my husband loves me.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:59 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I had a good career before I quit to be a SAHM two years ago. I have a great husband, wonderful marriage - and I still worried about this. It was an irrational fear, probably because I had never not worked. I'm also very independent, and the thought of not having my own money freaked me out. (Even though all of our accounts were joint.) My fears had nothing to do with my husband leaving/divorcing me, it was my fear of not being independent anymore. I've found that I'm still independent, and that I love my new job of being SAHM.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:00 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I believe in no divorce however you never know what the future holds for either of you. I have a strong marriage but I became a stay at home mom our marriage was very rough due to one income. So I decided to find something that I could do from home. But if anything were to happen I have my income to back me up if anything were to happen.



    Danielle Shellhorn
    http://www.momsforahealthyhome.com
    www.danishel.blogspot.com
    ddsunshine

    Answer by ddsunshine at 10:01 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Answered at 9:52 AM on Jan. 6, 2010 by: Anonymous
    No we don't have other issues that need to be addressed. Things happen, people fall out of love, men cheat. Your foolish to think your husband would never or this could never happen to you. Of course I THINK my husband loves me and would never cheat or leave me. The key word is THINK not KNOW.

    I certainly don't mean to sound rude. But that's the thing... I KNOW my husband loves me and would NEVER go outside our marriage for anything. We have been through enough in our relationship to have doubts. We made a commitment and neither of us believe in divorce as both of us come from severely broken homes. We are not in an abusive relationship which would be the only exception. We have had SEVERE ups and down's and made the choice to overcome. So, no... I am not afraid and never have been.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 10:02 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • No I don't worry about that. I feel very secure in our relationship. But IF that were to happen, I don't worry about that either. I can get a job. I would work 2 jobs if I had to, as opposed to be scared or sucking up to him in fear that he might leave.

    Do you have a reason to feel the way you do? If you really feel like that's a possibility, then maybe you shouldn't do it.

    Also why do you think that he has all of the control? Just because he's the one working outside of the home? My husband would be the first one to tell you that I'm the one in control at our house, lol. His paycheck gets direct deposited, I take money out, hand him some, pay all the bills and beyond that he never really sees it again. We don't consider it "his" money. It's OURS. I do way more work at home than he does at his job.

    Talk to him about your fears, maybe it will clear things up for you.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 10:03 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Scuba- I think everything you said makes sense. I have also never not worked. Even when I was on maternity leave with my first I didn't not like making my own money. I have a hand in all the finances so it's not about that. Maybe I too should put money in my own account to make me feel more secure. I also worry about him losing his job if he is our only source of income. My cousin made sense and told me what if you both lose your jobs then what? Anything could happen. I guess basically I shouldn't worry about things like that.

    OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • And I am the one that handles the finances in our home, so it isn't an issue going that way either.
    RutterMama

    Answer by RutterMama at 10:04 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

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