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How does a mother deal with a child that keeps breaking the laws of the land.

I never thought in a million years that my child would be in jail. And yes, he did do the crime. Breaking and Entering, three times now. How does a mother deal with this? My heart is broken for him. I can't understand why he keeps doing this. I know life is hard sometimes but.....really, this is crazy.

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Asked by kimberlysueh10 at 9:57 AM on Jan. 6, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (17)
  • are you enabling him in any way? do not bail him out. do not house him. let him fend for himself

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:59 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I have to agree with shay1130.
    I'm sorry for your grief. I hope that your son will seek the help he needs and sets his life on a straight path when he gets out of jail so he can be productive and proud of himself for his own accomplishments.
    I do not believe in the old adage, "Once a thief, always a thief." I do believe that some people can be scared-straight or eventually learn that the illegal lifestyle is not a good one.
    Keep praying for him and loving him as your son, but don't enable or help him any longer. He needs to become a man and make it in this world on his own two feet. He will need your words of encouragement, though. :)

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 10:10 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Let him grow up. He needs to buy for his crimes & learn from his mistakes. God Bless

    Answer by mommorgan at 10:13 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I have a daughter that when she was 17 was in and out of juvie several times and then when she turned 18 she informed me she was an adult and could do what she wanted. I always let her know that I loved her but didn't agree with what she was doing. She's doing better now but not to what most mothers would want for their children but I take every little blessing. So let him know that you love him but that he has to be responsible for what he did.

    Answer by baconbits at 10:14 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I disagree that you should not help him. You should love your children unconditionally. You can condone his behaviour but still let him know that you love him and will help him.

    Answer by keyaziz at 10:22 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • my son's father is 36 yrs old...his mother is still wiping his ass! She takes care of his 2 kids while he runs around getting high and drunk if he is not in jail and when he does go to jail she bails him out. I mean, when do you learn that they count on you to be there? As soon as you show that you will not be there to support the bad habbits maybe then thats when they will break

    Answer by shay1130 at 10:32 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • Not much you can do except hate the behavior but still love the child. I have a grandson who keeps making bad decisions. They are his choices to make but I keep reminding him of the consequences of his actions and that I will not be a part of it (as in accepting collect calls from jail or going to court to support him). We can't stop them but we don't have to enable them.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:33 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I agree with shay, as far as NOT enableing him.He sounds like he's grown, and unfortunatley he made bad dississions.For whatever reason he is doing what he is doing, there comes a time if you don't let go to a certain point, a child out of control can and will take you down with them if they no you will go'.If he needs help he has to want help and fish for it himself or it will never last.Speaking from expeiriance I put some people threw hell.And myself.I got sick of being unhappy and unhealthy and did something about it after I realized my mom wasn't going to bail me out no more!They stayed away for a long time because thats how long it took.I'm happy today, and if he has nothing to land on he'll have a better chance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I'm so sorry for your hurt Mama. My son is in jail for hurting someone in a way I would rather not mention and it has been devastating. As for myself, I agree with the posters above that say that they have to be left to deal with the consequences of their actions and we cannot enable them. It is hard and hurts us so very badly as mothers. This does not mean that we do not love them, because we love them very much....enough to let them learn what the consequences of their actions are and hopefully to learn from their mistakes and change their ways. Bless you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jan. 6, 2010

  • I agree with keyaziz, always help.

    Answer by older at 1:21 PM on Jan. 6, 2010

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